Mourning with Arizona – Part III
What’s the Solution?
This posting is in three parts and was originally written and posted on Family Matters with Amber-If you would like to read Parts 1/2 please go to:
www.FamilyMattersWithAmber.blogspot.com Right about now, I think every American is asking that question.
Standing up for what you believe in, in this country, is supposed to be a right, and a freedom. So why does it always seem like we are paying for it?
Fact: there will always be someone who has an opinion that differs from our own.
Unfortunately some people take it to extremes. They deem you, and your life, not worthy, because your beliefs do not match theirs.
What’s wrong with this picture?
Sadly, everything… So, what’s the plan?
I’m not sure that we can devise one without first understanding the problem.
Following the Arizona shootings, some have speculated the following reasons for this occurrence:
1. It was a result of Gabrielle Giffords’ views and her support of health care laws…
Interesting, but probably not likely to be Jared’s only motive. Plus, other representatives have the same views as Gabby and they weren’t gunned down.
2. It’s Sarah Palin’s fault because she used a scope-icon to identify certain people and parties, and that is where Jared first created this disgusting plan…
Though I agree that her poor choice of bad clip-art was indeed pretty distasteful and not well thought out, and by now probably regrets it, but, I’m also pretty sure she isn’t the only one to express her thoughts on Giffords, so I highly doubt that Palin was the reason Loughner went on his spree.
3. It’s because of violent video games.
While I believe that condoning our children using games where the objective is to run around with weapons and go on killing sprees, (hence why I don’t allow my children to play them) ,I still think that there is more to it. I just cannot believe that kids say, ‘hey let’s try that for fun in real life’. They must be angry enough already to feel the desire to do something so heinous. If the video games are to blame, you may as well blame movies and their imagination because those things offer them plenty.
4. Its Jared Loughner’s deranged mind…
Okay, fair judgment, considering only a very, mentally, unstable person would be able to carry out the terrifying act he did, but he had no previous record, and was not at all suspicious to a cop who stopped him the morning of the shootings. And apparently, he was okay before this. Per his old girlfriend, he was kind and sweet and non-abusive.
5. It is a result of Jared Loughner exhausted and on drugs…
Could be, but sounds like his plan started way before his all-nighter did.
6. It’s because Jared owned a gun.
A lot of people own guns. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Besides, not every gun owner goes out and murders people with theirs. So I don’t think it’s the gun. There are a lot of other weapons in the world…people don’t always use guns to kill others. (Should everyone have a gun? I don’t believe so, but with a clean record and some money, anyone can get one, and some don’t even need that.)
My personal belief is that this, and many other acts of violence involving guns, is not the guns themselves, and not always the issue surrounding the event, but the anger inside the person who did it and what started it.
I am not a doctor, I am not a psychologist, I am just a mother in America, trying to sort through the mess that I call home. I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and my thoughts on this might not be worth much, but I wonder, of these theories, how many considered the child within the murderer?
I think many who are speculating about the problem are missing the big picture.
Honestly, how many people have considered deep seeded unaddressed anger, lack of self-esteem, disappointment, stress, lack of self-control or lack of faith? Maybe even lack of love?
People hurt people because they are hurting…
If someone feels loved, can they truly feel hate?
I’ve noticed it doesn’t matter anymore what you do, there is always that risk that some angry person could harm you.
So many people want someone to blame…so many want somewhere to direct their pain…too many want others to hurt with them.
We are always going to have politics and differing opinions. There will always be jobs lost, divorces and things that don’t go our way. There will always be people in pain. But America has to stop killing each other over it.
It seems more and more common; committing Random Acts of Violence rather than Random Acts of Kindness.
It happens in homes among family members, it happens in parking lots, in shopping centers, office buildings and in traffic. (Remember in the early 90’s, all of the cases of road rage? People were pulling out guns on the highway and shooting each other for getting cut off in traffic.)
My speculation?
America is angry.
Just look at our schools. Bullying is becoming an epidemic. It’s going as far as causing murders and suicides amongst children. (Remember the mother/daughter bullying via face book, fellow student commits suicide?)
Events like this are happening inside of our schools, homes, shopping centers, office buildings, etc., and there is no law, improved screening process, metal detector or lock down drills that will prevent an unstable, hurting individual from pulling the trigger on his weapon of choice…
And, it is highly possible that the individuals committing these crimes don’t even understand where their pain begins; they just know that they want to hate others and they feel that ending someone else’s life, or paining someone else as much as they’ve been pained, will bring a complete end to their suffering.
It’s so disheartening when someone’s life is taken by a person who is in pain. Maybe they have been bullied or alienated. Recent events like a job loss, divorce, demotion or passed over promotion has left them alone and hurt, so they seek revenge; randomly.
Now for the million dollar question…
How can we help?
More guns or less?
More people carrying guns…or less?
More jails and security?
More anger, revenge and hatred? (We see that’s not working.)
Loughner was just 22 years old, so young. So immature and he chose to do something so senseless and hurtful. And there are children everywhere, younger than him doing this to their schoolmates…It needs to stop.
The one common thread amongst individuals committing crimes of this type? They became distant and were considered somewhat of a loner.
My Solution?
We have to work from the inside out…
We need to teach the world to hurt healthy so that we don’t harm others when we are in pain.
Like my mission in life…
We need to improve the emotional wellbeing of everyone around us so there is less pain and less people who feel alone. So that less and less of these things happen.
We must teach children from the time they are infants that it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to be sad, and teach them how to handle it.
Teach men it’s okay to cry. Teach people to be kind, even when they don’t feel like it.
We must help children understand the importance of self-esteem and help them achieve it by building them up; holding their hand through tough times, showing them that we can help, and most importantly, that they’re not alone.
Love for others comes by feeling accepted and loved ourselves.
We need more love, compassion and acceptance; more understanding, patience and tolerance; stronger self identities and self-esteem. All of this is learned by being nurtured and loved unconditionally as children and by being offered opportunities to accomplish things themselves.
We must do our best to help our children grow up loving themselves; and not the narcissistic way; by bullying others. But by being giving and compassionate. We must work on improving our children emotionally so that they can care for, and not hurt, others.
Luckily, there are many people who know that no matter what has happened to them, no amount of expressed, ill- directed anger, will replace the person, or thing, they once had. Those are most likely the ones who deal with the pain, are secure in themselves, feel loved and have faith.
Those types of people understand that anger is a feeling. It’s a feeling that with proper understanding, support and time, will eventually pass, at the very least, will become bearable. They know that it’s normal and natural, and they really do believe, and are convinced, that hurting others or themselves is never going to make the pain go away. They need to be the ones to be the model; the ones who teach; the ones who reach out.
Christina Green’s parents are dealing with the pain and they are choosing not to use hatred to express how they hurt. They are giving; they donated their daughter’s organs to save a life. They are appreciative; they thanked everyone who supports them through this. They are hopeful and strong.
This is our future.
This is our children’s future.
“You have affected the whole country,” Christina’s father said.
…She certainly has…Arizona was our wake up call.
So that Christina-Taylor Green’s passing is not in vain, I pray that this event gives us all a strong desire to work harder to change the direction of our youth and of the angry, by healing people from the inside out.
In the end, it’s a possibility that no one will ever really know why Jared Loughner pulled the trigger so many times that day…
… I think if we had that answer, we’d be that much closer to world peace.
Truly,Amber
Truly,
