Q: What’s communication got to do with it?

A: Everything.

Have you ever felt as if no one listens to you? Or worse, no one understands you?

 It could be because they don’t.

This week I am writing about communication and how it plays a direct part in our successes, failures and happiness.

Why is it important to communicate well?

Because…the quality of our lives depends on the quality of our communication…I know that I have heard this somewhere before and I believe it completely.

Face it; we are not mind readers. We cannot presume someone else’s thoughts, intentions or desires, anymore than they can guess ours.

How many times have you said something and somebody took it the wrong way? How often did you attempt to say what you were thinking, but ended up saying something completely different? How often do you tell someone what you want, but don’t get it?

It happens…. Communication is not easy and takes practice. Hence why there are courses on it and couples go to counseling to improve it.

Likewise, there are many different facets to communication. Here are a top few:

Ø Verbal

Ø Listening

Ø Body Language

Ø Tone of voice/inflection

Not everyone is aware of how important each one of these is and how much they contribute to what you say, how you say and what people hear.

Contrary to what some might believe these parts of communication are not created equal.

See if you can decide which one of these would be of the utmost importance in communicating. Then write down how much of the percentage of the conversation you think it is.

These are just the most commonly mentioned parts of communicating; I have a list of others I will address later on in the week, but for now I’d like you to stop reading and start writing.

·        Write down a few of the most recent times when you felt the most misunderstood.

·        Write down with whom it tends to happen with and when.

·        Maybe you could list a few of the topics/situations that arise during those situations. (This may take a few extra minutes to recall, but do the best you can.)

·        Write down why you think communication in these situations is not going well.

·        What one thing do you wish those people/person should change.

In my next post you can use your answers to help you gain more insight into communication breakdowns which will lead you one step closer to better relationships.

‘The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.’ – George Bernard Shaw

                                                       ….to be continued….

Truly,

Amber

How to Stay Motivated (Part II)

My last post covered a few of the reasons we don’t stick to our goals and mentioned a few tips on how to stay motivated.

This is part two.

How bad do you want it?

When you say you want something…how bad do you really want it?

Like the saying ‘put your money where your mouth is’… Are you really prepared to do what it takes to get what it is you say you really want? Words are easy to recite but when it comes down to it, the real work is sometimes is pretty hard to do.

I have been walking around saying that I’m going to write a book for...well, years.

I do write. No doubt. Since I have file boxes, jump drives and cd’s full of work I’ve done. I’ve done jobs for friends, worked on business plans and even told everyone I know about my goals of becoming a writer of non-fiction and self-help books for… well, years….

I have also been the writer of a Sunday newspaper column and well, still no book.

But I do want to be a published writer of non-fiction and self-help. I do!

Or do I??

Because let’s face it, those who say they want something and those that actually do what it takes to get it, are two very different people.

I have been inconsistent and I have not yet put in the blood, sweat and tears that it requires to be a published writer of books. I have not worked day and night on a book and submitted my proposal to numerous editors and/or publishers, to have it ripped apart and sent back to me to be redone. I have not stayed up, all night and day, pouring my everything into my goal. I just haven’t. And I know that.

You might wonder why I would say this about myself. Um, maybe because it’s true.

I have only recently begun to blog, though blogging has been around for at least 16 years. Why have I waited until this past October?

I don’t know.

I know what the Writer’s Market is. I’ve owned a few, and in my last one I researched and mapped out where my writing would fit in and be best suitable to market. So, why haven’t I done something with it?

I don’t know.

(Wow, I’m starting to sound like my kids…lol)

The fact of the matter is, I can say I want something all I like, and unless I am really dedicated to doing the work involved I don’t really want it, do I?

There is a philosophy that explains that we give our attention and time to those things that matter to us. Is this true?

Maybe. Because at the end of the day, if we truly had put every ounce of effort into our goal, if we had exhausted every avenue of possibility, we’d be AT our goal….or at least we’d be flopping on our face trying to reach our goal.

If not, than clearly we don’t want it bad enough.

Being motivated and staying motivated is a mix of things working together.

1.       It’s the desire (the why)

2.       It’s the know-how (the plan, the experience or the resources that will get you there)

3.       It’s the persistence (and knowing how to be self motivated and holding yourself accountable when no one’s looking)

4.       It’s surrounding yourself with the right people (people who believe in you/support you  and who will push you back towards your goals if you start going the wrong way, those people are your friends and they care)

5.       It’s not being afraid (of the work OR the success)

Staying motivated is a daily, sometimes hourly routine. And most of it is not what you say, but what you do.

Our minds are so incredibly smart. Most times we don’t need anyone to tell us what to do to reach our goals, we already know.

We say we want it….

But do we REALLY WANT IT!?

Sit and think for a minute about some things you have been saying you are going to do, or that you are ‘trying’ to do? Are you trying, or do you just appear to be trying.

Make a list of the things you actually do that help you towards your goal as well as the things you spend your time on that don’t help.

Guaranteed you will see a large contrast between the two lists and you will be amazed at how little time you actually spend on the work it will take you to reach your goal….

Most times we know what needs to be done, we just aren’t doing it.

After this post, I see  I have a lot of work to do……

‘When your desires are strong enough, you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve’

                                                                                              -Napoleon Hill

Truly,

Amber