Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween Matey!

              
I’m sure we can all remember at least a few of our childhood Halloween costumes.
I know for a fact, when I was 8 and 9, I was a blue Care Bear. (Go figure)
I also remember being a Witch one year (which I truly believe had no reference to
to the future…maybe a little.) That year my uncle made me an incredible costume.
My hat was made out of black spray painted newspaper with
gold stars,and a wand from wood with a cardboard silver-glitter-covered-star.
One yearI was a Punk Rocker. Tons of hairspray and makeup is all I remember, lol.

Halloween is probably one of my favorite times because it is so much fun to decorate
with orange and yellow leaves, pumpkins and mums. It’s also exciting to see what the
children pick out for costumes and what motivates them to do so.

Saturday night we finished sewing my eldest daughter’s Wizard costume. It’s really amazing
with black glittery  satin fabric and shiny teal lining with a special clasp at the neck.
 Alongside my Wizard will be an Evil Doctor and a Transformer. I am going as myself this year.
Too busy to plan out a costume. But just for the record even though I’ve been known to
wear that Witch costume now and again, I truly do mean well.


Saturday, October 30, 2010

Do Good.

My Name is Earl, was a program I loved watching. I enjoyed seeing the way a guy could reform from being bad, to being good. It was a comedy show, but there was always a lesson at the end.
Tonight I decided to turn on late night TV to relax. To my surprise, my old friend Earl was on.  The show had just started and all through it I laughed as I always did.
At the end, when it was lesson-learning time, Alyssa Milano’s character turns to Earl with a really heartfelt and serious look and says, ‘Doing good feels good’. Earl replied, ‘Yes, yes it does’. Alyssa then said, ‘and doing bad feels bad’.  Again, Earl nodded and agreed with her, confirming her recent revelation.  Alyssa’s character seemed surprised at the ease and reward of ‘doing good’.
She closed the scene by saying, ‘If doing good feels so good, why don’t more people do it?’ Earl answered, ‘I don’t know.’
That’s a very good question, why don’t people do more good if it feels good?
I don’t know why ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ are) don’t do more good, but I know why I do.
I like being nice, it makes me feel better about myself. I like holding doors, offering assistance and making someone laugh or smile.  And if someone doesn’t do it for me, I still do it for the next person.
Why not smile and express a cheerful greeting when you meet someone passing on the walk or at the store? Why not smile at someone driving by you.  I do it all the time. The worst they will do is give you a very strange look. But usually, what I witness is, they smile back! Yes, they smile back. And you know, they will probably smile at someone else after that, and maybe someone else after that! Smiling is contagious and feels good when you’re doing it.
There are many reasons to smile at someone. And one reason is clear, it’s polite. Another is maybe  not so clear;  unbeknownst to you,  that person may have private struggles that are so difficult, that your smile is the only light that shined on them that day.
Call me crazy, call me grossly hopeful, but I believe strongly that if we put good back into the world we can make a positive ripple effect and it will keep going and going and going.  Like the stadium wave. It doesn’t stop until  we stop doing it.
In my home I have many motivational quotes and notes. One is a tall poster of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. It is a quote surrounding SUCCESS. It basically says that Success is: leaving the world a better place whether it be by small efforts or large, and lists some of the ways. In another room I have a black and white print of a drop of water creating a ripple effect.
Try doing a few random acts of kindness this weekend and smile at as many people you can! It’s good for your health! It’s a proven fact that smiling is better for your health-check out this list of 12 Reasons to Smile bhttp://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongbeauty/tp/smiling.htm.
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."  -- Mahatma Gandhi

Friday, October 29, 2010

INDEPENDENCE

Independence
1. A state of being not dependent; complete exemption from control, or the power of others; as the independence of the Supreme Being.
2. A state in which a person does not rely on others for subsistence; ability to support one's self.
3. A state of mind in which a person acts without bias or influence from others;     exemption from undue influence; self-direction.
I’m a big fan of it being yourself. And, if you think about it, independence can be considered a form of ‘being yourself’. I think until you are your own true self…you really haven’t lived.
Everyone knows stepping out from the crowd, saying no, or yes, can be tough. Going against the group, standing up to applaud, or voice your opinion, are all forms of independence. And when no one else is doing it, sometimes we hesitate do it ourselves because we wonder if it’s right. We may even feel alone. At one time or another we have all had similar feelings.
Why is this? Do you think too many ‘other’ people with opinions voice them so quickly and harshly that they offend and intimidate the one attempting to make an independent stand? Do you think the one squelching someone’s independence does so as a pressure tactic to keep the independent person close? Or do they just want us to live our lives like them, because they don’t want to feel alone, or because they think they know best? Think about this for a minute…
What are you hesitating to do because of someone else’s opinion? What are you afraid to pursue because you are afraid someone will judge you, or maybe you’re afraid to let someone down?
That fear keeps some people from stepping up, stepping out, being different and offering  their own view. A fear of being rejected is sometimes powerful enough to keep us from doing things we know we want to do, and need to do. It’s detrimental to our personal growth and our destiny.
The world is made up many different types of individuals. That’s what it’s all about; being different, sharing our differences and pursuing what we love and believe in, learning from one another.
We must be independent, despite what others think or say. Worrying about what people think of us will keep us from finding our true self.
I say, ‘Who cares if someone doesn’t like me?’ I am who I am and I accept me. God accepts me, and honestly, what else matters?
Everyone remembers that silly bumper sticker that says something like this: ‘Opinions are like …. and everyone has one.’ Everyone does have an opinion, but it’s Your Life, and at the end of Your Life, do you really care what somebody else thinks of you and your decisions? Do you really want to put your life on hold for somebody else?
I don’t.
I love people. I want to make people happy, I really do. But the reality is, I can’t. The reality is, I only have X amount of time on earth, and, if I went around everyday living my life according to what other people thought or wanted, I’d never accomplish a thing and I wouldn’t be where I am today. (Do you know how many people didn’t want me to move from CT to OH??? I don’t have enough hands to count...additionally, do you know how many people protested my divorce prior to it becoming final?? I’ll give you a hint: it included my father and mother.) I don’t have time to live my life by someone else’s rules.
By now, you are probably wondering why I seem to be on a tangent. Well, this week I was inspired by my daughter who stood up for herself, and what she believed in. She is very young and is a people pleaser like me. She loves to make others happy, and this week, she decided to make herself happy.
She stepped out of the group and stood her ground. She knows who she is, she knows her worth and she knows exactly what she will and will not accept. She was petrified to speak up, for fear of disappointing me, her teacher and her friend, and although she was afraid, she did it anyway.
She declared her INDEPENDENCE.  
NICE JOB T.K. ;)
‘When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation – it empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams.’ – Les Brown
I have read this every morning and every night for the past year. It symbolized something in my life that had a hold of me. My fear was keeping me back, behind the line, letting someone else dictate my life, and worse, dictate my three babies lives. We experienced nothing but heartache and frustration. I was letting my fear hold me back from what I knew I must do.
We can’t do everything on our own. So don’t confuse ‘independence’ with ‘go it alone’. Independence is finding the strength to be yourself...going it alone is just plain crazy.
Find support: connect with those you trust and who know the real you and believe in you. Together you’ll be able to face your fears and make a stand. I did, you know who you are that helped give me a push ;)
My daughter needed a push too, hers was just knowing I was there holding her hand.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

See the Humor in Things

Another day in the life of Amber.
So what is a mother to do when her son decides that he is going to put a bowl of cereal into his backpack (yes with the milk) to save for later?
Well, after cleaning up the mess, I guess she only has one thing left to do; see the humor in the situation.
The last thing I ever thought I’d find in one of my children’s backpack was a bowl of cereal with spoon and what milk was left. He saved it from the morning until he was picked up from after school care.
Let me just say this: Milk does not travel well outside of its container.
What did I learn today?
I learned that with three children I should probably be prepared for anything and besides keeping some towels and surface cleaner in the car, I should always keep a sense of humor and lots of extra patience nearby.
(By the way, I am literally LOL.)
Amber

Perfection

A day in the life of Amber:
Oct. 26, Tues 2010
The day ended with me, here at the keyboard, wondering what to blog for the first time.
I asked myself: What really moved me today? What part of my day was most inspiring? What won’t I forget about today? Will people read it? I just decided to relax and write what came to mind first, so here it is.
One thing that I will not forget about today:
Just as I thought the sunset wouldn’t be making an appearance tonight, the tornado like weather disappeared and there was an incredible yellow glow that drenched the sky. It took my breath away.
Another thing that took my breath away, literally, was when my six year old son came home with a bad report from his teacher today. His two older sisters giggled as he got a ‘talking to’, because after all, he is the ‘Angel’ of the family, the ‘Baby’, Mommy’s Boy so they say.
Clearly my two daughters were both shocked and equally impressed that their baby brother could muster up some raucous for the teacher today, making them look ‘normal’. It made me mad he would misbehave in class, but made me laugh too that the girls got such a kick out of it. Depending on which perspective I saw it from, the girls thought this was comical, that Baby Boy got into trouble at school. From my perspective, it was infuriating. How could he go to school and not listen to the teacher?
I wonder what his perspective was?
If I had to guess, I’d say he thought like this: ‘Aww ma, I listen and learn every other day and get good grades, gimme a break’. But kids all too often wait for our cue to see how they should think and feel. So his reaction to my angry face and disappointed tone today was surely one that drove him to wish he was perfect.
It’s quite impossible and unfair for me to expect perfection out of him or anyone else for that matter.
So the most I can do is make a punishment fit for the crime and hope he learns a lesson. Tonight, it’s early to bed for him and no staying up a little past our bedtime to watch football games for a while.
We are all imperfect, growing and changing. There is never a day that we will be expected to get it all right. Our imperfections and weaknesses help us to feel humble and to ask for help. Our expectations to be perfect or expect perfection out of others haunts us and hurts us. We should celebrate our mistakes since we can always learn from them. He tried something today and he learned it wasn’t okay. I learned something  too. Make the punishment fit the crime, and it’s not the end of the world, Justice was served case closed.
 Amber