Friend or Un-Friend

On Facebook, as in real-life, it is sometimes necessary to Un-Friend someone.

It happens. Occasionally, a friend who you thought you knew turns out to be someone you didn’t expect them to be.

In life it’s a bit harder to Un-Friend someone, but my question is: Why do people do it?

I guess there are probably times when you Friended them, or they Friended you and it was too soon in the relationship to be Friends…

Now that you feel like you know them better, you don’t like really like them anymore. Or maybe it’s an ex-boyfriend, (which I found out today you are supposed to Un-friend immediately-oops). 

I am sure there are tons of reasons for Un-friending somebody but I wonder if it happens because some people are concerned with having as many friends as possible, regardless of who they are or if they share similar interests and beliefs. 

Then they end up with Friends they don’t really know or even like...

(Correct me if I am wrong, if I say you are my ‘Friend’ doesn’t that mean that I have to at least like you?)

Anyways…..

I’m left to assume they must be striving for Friend quantity rather than Friend quality.

Maybe it’s about some people choosing to act differently when you first start talking to them.

You meet someone new, or it’s someone you knew in the past and are meeting them again; the conversation seems nice, they seem nice but then you talk a few more times after that and the more you get to know them they seem to change…

You eventually wonder who this person is. 

Usually, it’s not them changing, it’s the Real Them….it just took them a while to come out.

If that happens, no worries, FB makes it as easy to Un-Friend them, as it was to Friend them.

Just go to your Friends list, click edit friends and all of your ‘friends’ will be laid out in front of you (who are all completely unaware of what you are about to do- by the way)

Then, by clicking the little blue X next to their name you officially ‘remove’ them as your Friend

Now - they no longer exist.

Well, that is not entirely true. They do exist, just not in your FB World.

Honestly, I’d have to say that my  #1 reason to Un-Friend someone on FB (yes, I have done this) is because they do not sensor what they post and are either too crude or too judgmental and I don’t think that my friends and family would appreciate the lack of respect.

My wall is not for them to post their insulting or cruel thoughts. (Yes, Freedom of Speech, I get it, but really? It's just not neccessary.)

So, if you all of a sudden are no longer my Friend on FB -I guess you'll know why;)

*To all of my True Friends: 

I am blessed to know you and I know you are genuine and I respect you for being yourself. I appreciate you! (And sorry for any icky stuff you had to endure on my wall written by disrespectful Friends – that sounds like an oxy-moron..)

**A note to my future-potential-Un-Friends: If you Un-friend me or plan on Un-friending me in the near future, I would like to say thank you! 

I would rather you be honest and Un-friend me than pretend to Friend (like) me.

 

Truly,

Amber

Be Yourself

I have a daughter in middle school. (I know. That statement says a lot...)

But, honestly, until now, she’s always been absolutely wonderful. She is a great listener, a terrific role model as an older sister to her two younger siblings, she helps with dinner, obeys house rules (mostly) and she has been content being at the top of her class. She was even excited that her teachers gave me stellar reports at parent teacher conferences and she glowed when her class voted her for student council.

I never pushed her to do any of this. I just taught her right from wrong, instilled good study habits, praised her for good behavior and kept the communication open.

Well… it seems she is up against some peer pressure now, and whether or not it is being purposely imposed on her, or she is afflicting it upon herself, there’s evidence of her feeling like she doesn’t fit in. And she’s getting a bit tired of being ‘good’. (It doesn’t help that kids ‘tell her she’s good’ if you know what I mean.)

Noticing a change in her behavior in the past two weeks and noticing that she was not being the daughter that I knew, I began getting a little more diligent with my follow up on her. I would stop in her room more often, make more conversation with her than usual and check her messages on her cell phone. I found that she was not being herself in her school life either and I think she sensed she was not doing the right thing. Because before I could even sit down to discuss these things with her, she came to me to say that she was not being herself lately, and that she didn’t feel right about it.  She was tearful and said that she was tired of being the good kid. Because, so it seemed, a few kids at school remarked on her behavior and her involvement in class.

I was disappointed about her recent change in attitude and habits, but was glad that she was willing to discuss it with me without waiting for me to come to her (which she inevitably figured I would).

To begin with, I decided to tell my daughter that she was a wonderful kid who really did make the right choices in life and whose teachers really appreciated her.

Then I told her that teachers grow up dreaming of inspiring kids and they work extremely hard all throughout the year to create curriculums that will motivate. But that they also struggle with many students who don’t behave or don’t take school seriously and that she is a gift to her teachers and that she has their respect, and that’s a wonderful thing.

I added; who cares what other kids think about you? If those kids want to skip out on their homework, and purposely get a bad grade, who are they hurting? And does that make them cool? No, it makes them uncool. They are purposely ruining their chances of having more in life, and so why would you want to join them?

I wanted to take this a few steps further, because I felt that it was important for her to understand this within herself. So, I asked her to make a list.

On one side of a sheet of paper I had her write things down about who/what she was about when she was being herself.  She wrote: kind, caring, hardworking, good student who participates in class, respectful, helpful, and a good role model for her sister and brother.

On the other side, I asked her to list the ‘other ways’ she was being lately.  She listed: rude, not listening, talking in class and more.

Next to each thing, I made her think about, and write down, how she felt when she was doing these things. Predictably, she had bad feelings written next to each bad behavior and good feelings next to each good behavior.

Lastly, I made her write at the top of each list, on a scale of one to ten,  (one being low, ten being high) what her self esteem was when she was not being herself and when she was being herself.

 After asking if there were negatives on the imaginary scale, she listed a -3 on the bad side of the paper and a 10+ on the good side. Wow! What a difference.

Together we talked about how it feels to act like someone other than ourselves and why we do not always follow our own voice. We also discussed that by acting badly, the one we end up hurting most is our self. (Ruining our self-esteem and messing up our goals and plans.)

Since kids always seem to think that they are the only ones dealing with tough issues, I tried to relate to my daughter by explaining that sometimes even adults tease or pressure one another. Most times this can be because they may be jealous, unhappy or don’t want to be alone in an act, so they want you to join them.  I told her that someone that picks on anyone else for being themselves, is a bully…and it wouldn’t matter if her hair were curly, blonde or she got bad grades, (which are all the opposite of her),  there would be some kid, somewhere, would find something wrong with her.

She looked somewhat surprised and disappointed.

Unfortunately, this is the way it is. There are people everywhere, at every age, who are not happy with themselves. And they just don’t know who they are, or who they want to be.  And while they are struggling to exist, i.e., ‘fit in’, they work on tearing others’ down because it makes them feel better.

For someone who is discontent with themselves, they aren’t able to behave in ways that build others up. They are unable to care and understand. They have trouble fighting fair (meaning they deny everything they do wrong and they make excuses.) When they behave this way they feel better, and you do not. They also think they look better, since inevitably they never notice they are wrong.

This, I’m afraid, is not helping to make the world a better place.

So, how do you become yourself, and be happy with yourself, at any age?

I have hundreds of things to suggest, but I will start with just a few:

1.       Listen to your gut. Your gut is your inner voice, the one who knows you best.

2.       Do your own thing, regardless of what ‘everyone else’ is doing.

3.       Don’t go along with it just because everyone else is; make sure that if you engage in activities and discussions, that they actually resonate, with who you are and what you stand for.

4.       If it doesn’t feel right stop

5.       If you don’t like it, don’t do it

6.       Write down what makes you feel good about yourself.

7.       Don’t avoid doing what you want or need to do because you are concerned how someone else will view you and what someone else will say.

8.       Ask yourself what you like and what you don’t.

9.       Don’t do things because people ‘want’ you too.

10.   Pick your own path

11.   DON’T do things just to fit in!!!!!!!

12.   MAKE A MISSION STATEMENT

13.   Have GOALS

Why are these things important?

This beginning list is important because we are sometimes so busy doing what we think we should be doing, and doing what other people would like us to do, that we never take time to find out what we would really like to do, or who we really are.

What does it mean to be yourself?  Well, to start, just listen to your heart.

Today, find one thing that you are doing that does not resonate with you and who you are.

Then stop doing it forever!!

Be Yourself and have a Wonderful Day! J

Freedom of Expression Through Art

What is art?

My opinion:  Art is self expression of the soul, a form of you.

Anything that you create with your hands, or your imagination, is a part of your deepest self. Being active in an art project or craft can unlock your deepest and most creative spirit. Art speaks to your deepest child. And sometimes that’s what we need… is to play.

Can you remember your favorite activities as a kid? They probably had to do with building or creating something. In schools now a days, we struggle to fund art programs, and I feel very sad about that and think we need to support keeping art in school  because art is a wonderful way to express your individuality and do it freely. Art lifts us up, encourages us, challenges us and frees our soul, and in some areas it is even used as therapy.

Cooking, ceramics, photography, calligraphy, designing, furniture making, woodworking, sewing, upholstering, cross stitching, metal works, automobile restoration, auto painting, candle making, face painting, scrapbooking, writing, doing murals, wine making, glass blowing, painting, jewelry making, flower arranging, card making, quilting, inventing, hairdressing, software designing, writing or playing music, etc.…the list goes on and on of all the kinds of arts forms there are.

Have you ever just sat and admired someone who is doing an art or craft? It is an amazing thing to see that person so submersed in what they are doing.  They are in their element. They are inside of themselves.

I’ve met many people who have left regular 9-5 jobs to do their art. Some have made money at it and some have not. Most, if asked, would do it for free anyways, because they love it so much and they consider it their passion.

Take a few minutes to look around you and to notice someone’s art. It’s all around us. It’s clothing, buildings, cars, staircases, furniture, fabrics, business cards, websites and more. When we travel or seek entertainment, it is hotels, golf courses, restaurants, movies, and more.  Each and every item that has been designed has been designed by an artist or a team of artists. They each have a special gift which is in their craft.

Not all of us have to turn out to be professional artists, but we should at least try one new art form or craft a year.

What lost art would you like to revisit from childhood, or what new type of art would you like to try? What would you like to do in your daily life that taps into your creative artistic self? 

Take a class. Be like a child for a moment. Play. No one should grow and become an adult and forget about playing… Imagine being free to create something with your hands and your imagination…no limitations, no rules.

Here is a ceramic project I did about 7 years ago. It is far from being an A+ , but I made it myself, I did my best and I love it. I picked out the shape, color and writing on it. I keep it on my dresser as a jewelry tray. It’s one of my symbols; to remind me of all the years that wanted Happiness in my life. I had Happiness all along regardless of my situations or what was going on around me…Happiness didn’t go anywhere.

I just have to keep practicing it;)

                                                                              Amber