Motivational Magnet Monday-with a song: Be Yourself

Many have this quote: here is a song which sounds quite similar.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Test

Hat by Faith Connexion

We are tested every day on how we react, what we will say, and most importantly- what we will do.

I don't always write pretty.

Not until I sort through the ugly, anyways.

I believe it's the nasty stuff we go through that shape us into better people.

It is what it is and we learn a lesson from everything, and everyone.

The questions on my most recent test:

1) Will you 'cater to the client' to get the job?


Answer:
Yes

2) Will you change who you are to get that job?

Answer:
No

3) Will you take something positive away from it?

Always

Passed! 

100%!

(I cannot lie...I had a little help with this one...I had to pray, and I listened to the answer. I did my best. Then, I needed to ask again...and I listened to the answer again, it was louder and clearer so I didn't just listen this time...I followed.)

We learn from everyone around us, no one person is right or wrong.
 Just be yourself. Be strong and most importantly, have Faith!

I believe that the people, instead of pretty lies, should be told the truth, no matter how ugly it may be. What can we do, destiny hasn't been kind to us; but, with the help of God, we will prevail. 
        ~Alija Izetbegovic

Who's Life is it Anyway?

Who's life are you living?

What were you put here on Earth for?

What dictates what you do and what you don't do?

I was having a conversation with my teenage daughter the other day about being open minded.
I said that it takes open-mindedness to really find out how you feel about things.

At the end of our conversation on views and opinions, she told me that I was an 'awesome person'.

To me that was the best compliment I could ever receive from one of my children. I asked her why she thought this.

Her reply:
'Because, you don't let anyone boss you around, you live your life the way you want to.'

My response was, 'I only have one life; why should I live it for somebody else?' (Of course I live very much of it for my children, but other than that, I live life for myself.)

That reply should not be taken as selfish, though maybe it is...I believe that this is my own life and I take time to understand who I am and be who I am, otherwise my life is not worth living.

'One cannot fully blossom as an individual if they are stuck in the confines of someone else's beliefs and ideals.'-Amber J Chapman

Be Yourself.

Truly,

Amber

Be Yourself

I have a daughter in middle school. (I know. That statement says a lot...)

But, honestly, until now, she’s always been absolutely wonderful. She is a great listener, a terrific role model as an older sister to her two younger siblings, she helps with dinner, obeys house rules (mostly) and she has been content being at the top of her class. She was even excited that her teachers gave me stellar reports at parent teacher conferences and she glowed when her class voted her for student council.

I never pushed her to do any of this. I just taught her right from wrong, instilled good study habits, praised her for good behavior and kept the communication open.

Well… it seems she is up against some peer pressure now, and whether or not it is being purposely imposed on her, or she is afflicting it upon herself, there’s evidence of her feeling like she doesn’t fit in. And she’s getting a bit tired of being ‘good’. (It doesn’t help that kids ‘tell her she’s good’ if you know what I mean.)

Noticing a change in her behavior in the past two weeks and noticing that she was not being the daughter that I knew, I began getting a little more diligent with my follow up on her. I would stop in her room more often, make more conversation with her than usual and check her messages on her cell phone. I found that she was not being herself in her school life either and I think she sensed she was not doing the right thing. Because before I could even sit down to discuss these things with her, she came to me to say that she was not being herself lately, and that she didn’t feel right about it.  She was tearful and said that she was tired of being the good kid. Because, so it seemed, a few kids at school remarked on her behavior and her involvement in class.

I was disappointed about her recent change in attitude and habits, but was glad that she was willing to discuss it with me without waiting for me to come to her (which she inevitably figured I would).

To begin with, I decided to tell my daughter that she was a wonderful kid who really did make the right choices in life and whose teachers really appreciated her.

Then I told her that teachers grow up dreaming of inspiring kids and they work extremely hard all throughout the year to create curriculums that will motivate. But that they also struggle with many students who don’t behave or don’t take school seriously and that she is a gift to her teachers and that she has their respect, and that’s a wonderful thing.

I added; who cares what other kids think about you? If those kids want to skip out on their homework, and purposely get a bad grade, who are they hurting? And does that make them cool? No, it makes them uncool. They are purposely ruining their chances of having more in life, and so why would you want to join them?

I wanted to take this a few steps further, because I felt that it was important for her to understand this within herself. So, I asked her to make a list.

On one side of a sheet of paper I had her write things down about who/what she was about when she was being herself.  She wrote: kind, caring, hardworking, good student who participates in class, respectful, helpful, and a good role model for her sister and brother.

On the other side, I asked her to list the ‘other ways’ she was being lately.  She listed: rude, not listening, talking in class and more.

Next to each thing, I made her think about, and write down, how she felt when she was doing these things. Predictably, she had bad feelings written next to each bad behavior and good feelings next to each good behavior.

Lastly, I made her write at the top of each list, on a scale of one to ten,  (one being low, ten being high) what her self esteem was when she was not being herself and when she was being herself.

 After asking if there were negatives on the imaginary scale, she listed a -3 on the bad side of the paper and a 10+ on the good side. Wow! What a difference.

Together we talked about how it feels to act like someone other than ourselves and why we do not always follow our own voice. We also discussed that by acting badly, the one we end up hurting most is our self. (Ruining our self-esteem and messing up our goals and plans.)

Since kids always seem to think that they are the only ones dealing with tough issues, I tried to relate to my daughter by explaining that sometimes even adults tease or pressure one another. Most times this can be because they may be jealous, unhappy or don’t want to be alone in an act, so they want you to join them.  I told her that someone that picks on anyone else for being themselves, is a bully…and it wouldn’t matter if her hair were curly, blonde or she got bad grades, (which are all the opposite of her),  there would be some kid, somewhere, would find something wrong with her.

She looked somewhat surprised and disappointed.

Unfortunately, this is the way it is. There are people everywhere, at every age, who are not happy with themselves. And they just don’t know who they are, or who they want to be.  And while they are struggling to exist, i.e., ‘fit in’, they work on tearing others’ down because it makes them feel better.

For someone who is discontent with themselves, they aren’t able to behave in ways that build others up. They are unable to care and understand. They have trouble fighting fair (meaning they deny everything they do wrong and they make excuses.) When they behave this way they feel better, and you do not. They also think they look better, since inevitably they never notice they are wrong.

This, I’m afraid, is not helping to make the world a better place.

So, how do you become yourself, and be happy with yourself, at any age?

I have hundreds of things to suggest, but I will start with just a few:

1.       Listen to your gut. Your gut is your inner voice, the one who knows you best.

2.       Do your own thing, regardless of what ‘everyone else’ is doing.

3.       Don’t go along with it just because everyone else is; make sure that if you engage in activities and discussions, that they actually resonate, with who you are and what you stand for.

4.       If it doesn’t feel right stop

5.       If you don’t like it, don’t do it

6.       Write down what makes you feel good about yourself.

7.       Don’t avoid doing what you want or need to do because you are concerned how someone else will view you and what someone else will say.

8.       Ask yourself what you like and what you don’t.

9.       Don’t do things because people ‘want’ you too.

10.   Pick your own path

11.   DON’T do things just to fit in!!!!!!!

12.   MAKE A MISSION STATEMENT

13.   Have GOALS

Why are these things important?

This beginning list is important because we are sometimes so busy doing what we think we should be doing, and doing what other people would like us to do, that we never take time to find out what we would really like to do, or who we really are.

What does it mean to be yourself?  Well, to start, just listen to your heart.

Today, find one thing that you are doing that does not resonate with you and who you are.

Then stop doing it forever!!

Be Yourself and have a Wonderful Day! J

INDEPENDENCE

Independence

1. A state of being not dependent; complete exemption from control, or the power of others; as the independence of the Supreme Being.

2. A state in which a person does not rely on others for subsistence; ability to support one's self.

3. A state of mind in which a person acts without bias or influence from others;     exemption from undue influence; self-direction.

I’m a big fan of it being yourself. And, if you think about it, independence can be considered a form of ‘being yourself’. I think until you are your own true self…you really haven’t lived.

Everyone knows stepping out from the crowd, saying no, or yes, can be tough. Going against the group, standing up to applaud, or voice your opinion, are all forms of independence. And when no one else is doing it, sometimes we hesitate do it ourselves because we wonder if it’s right. We may even feel alone. At one time or another we have all had similar feelings.

Why is this? Do you think too many ‘other’ people with opinions voice them so quickly and harshly that they offend and intimidate the one attempting to make an independent stand? Do you think the one squelching someone’s independence does so as a pressure tactic to keep the independent person close? Or do they just want us to live our lives like them, because they don’t want to feel alone, or because they think they know best? Think about this for a minute…

What are you hesitating to do because of someone else’s opinion? What are you afraid to pursue because you are afraid someone will judge you, or maybe you’re afraid to let someone down?

That fear keeps some people from stepping up, stepping out, being different and offering  their own view. A fear of being rejected is sometimes powerful enough to keep us from doing things we know we want to do, and need to do. It’s detrimental to our personal growth and our destiny.

The world is made up many different types of individuals. That’s what it’s all about; being different, sharing our differences and pursuing what we love and believe in, learning from one another.

We must be independent, despite what others think or say. Worrying about what people think of us will keep us from finding our true self.

I say, ‘Who cares if someone doesn’t like me?’ I am who I am and I accept me. God accepts me, and honestly, what else matters?

Everyone remembers that silly bumper sticker that says something like this: ‘Opinions are like …. and everyone has one.’ Everyone does have an opinion, but it’s Your Life, and at the end of Your Life, do you really care what somebody else thinks of you and your decisions? Do you really want to put your life on hold for somebody else?

I don’t.

I love people. I want to make people happy, I really do. But the reality is, I can’t. The reality is, I only have X amount of time on earth, and, if I went around everyday living my life according to what other people thought or wanted, I’d never accomplish a thing and I wouldn’t be where I am today. (Do you know how many people didn’t want me to move from CT to OH??? I don’t have enough hands to count...additionally, do you know how many people protested my divorce prior to it becoming final?? I’ll give you a hint: it included my father and mother.) I don’t have time to live my life by someone else’s rules.

By now, you are probably wondering why I seem to be on a tangent. Well, this week I was inspired by my daughter who stood up for herself, and what she believed in. She is very young and is a people pleaser like me. She loves to make others happy, and this week, she decided to make herself happy.

She stepped out of the group and stood her ground. She knows who she is, she knows her worth and she knows exactly what she will and will not accept. She was petrified to speak up, for fear of disappointing me, her teacher and her friend, and although she was afraid, she did it anyway.

She declared her INDEPENDENCE.  

NICE JOB T.K. ;)

‘When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation – it empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams.’ – Les Brown

I have read this every morning and every night for the past year. It symbolized something in my life that had a hold of me. My fear was keeping me back, behind the line, letting someone else dictate my life, and worse, dictate my three babies lives. We experienced nothing but heartache and frustration. I was letting my fear hold me back from what I knew I must do.

We can’t do everything on our own. So don’t confuse ‘independence’ with ‘go it alone’. Independence is finding the strength to be yourself...going it alone is just plain crazy.

Find support: connect with those you trust and who know the real you and believe in you. Together you’ll be able to face your fears and make a stand. I did, you know who you are that helped give me a push ;)

My daughter needed a push too, hers was just knowing I was there holding her hand.