Don't Take Yourself So Seriously

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, 

you might as well laugh about it now. ~ Marie Osmond 

Fun Friday the 13th: Why You Shouldn't Worry

Because, today is my lucky day!

I've always had luck on the old number '13'!

The mirror...not so much. 

The number, no problem.

I challenge you to relax today...and actually look for good things...rather than bad.

Because sometimes it's not the # (or the circumstance) but how we view it, is all.

~

Read more Y.I. Posts about Friday the 13th, including why it's my lucky day!

What do numbers have to do with today?

Superstitious Much?

The History Behind Friday the 13th...If You Dare...

Have a Happy Weekend and a Very Lucky Day!

Found to be the real deal about horseshoes.

Motivational Magnet Monday-with a song: Be Yourself

Many have this quote: here is a song which sounds quite similar.

Plan Ahead to Stay in the Present

These days so many people are encouraging us to stay in the present.

I support this, though can rarely do it. Like most people, my attention is often directed in so many different directions due to busy schedules and multiple media influence.

But, my inability to sit still and be in the now, isn't always because of that....

It's also my own lack of time management.

In the beginning of the year I chose my new One Word for 2012. Very quickly I realized that to be successful with it, I would have to get better organzied.

And, one of the best ways for me to do this was to plan ahead.

Doing this might sound a bit counterproductive to 'staying in the present', but it's not actually.

Why?

Because, getting your to-do list out of the way as soon as you think of it (or know about it):

A) Gives you more time to do what you want to later.
B) Allows you to be more relaxed, less hectic and less overwhelmed.
C) Gives you an opportunity to pick a Plan B (or C) in case Plan A doesn't work out.
D) Affords you more sleep (because you won't be so stressed about tomorrow, since it's already been taken care of!
E) Gives you a longer time period to save for things (or find them on sale).
F) Helps you avoid late fees.
G) Gives you the gift of time: time to relax, enjoy the moment and make a decision without pressure.

Doesn't all of that sound incredible!

 I know you are thinking though, it sounds good, but seems like it's the opposite of procrastination...

It is.

Sorry.

I did say that I was someone who wouldn't tell you what you want to hear.

And I won't....

Don't put off today  tomorrow what you can do today....

Plan ahead, so you can actually enjoy tomorrow.

The other option?

Still having to get done what's on the to-do list, except having to do it in a hurry.

I'd rather have Plan A.

Y.I. Wednesday: Why I Don't Have Many Friends

I really have to say I don't think I have many friends.

Okay, maybe that came out wrong.

I have not had many 'good' friends.

Wait, that isn't quite what I mean either.

Let me try again:

Over the years, I've only had a few really close genuine friends.

Ah, that's better.

So, why do you suppose this is?

It might be because I'm a very busy mother. Many can relate to that...

It could be because I am not very friendly...ummmm, uh uh, that's surely not it.

Hey, I know! It might be because I'm a jerk! Nah, I've already said that I'm not a jerk...

So, if it's not any of those things...I have to wonder, it it's because 'I call it like I see it'.

Do you know how many people in the world would actually prefer you tell them what they want to hear, rather than what they need to hear? (I don't know the number either, but I'm betting it's a lot!)

I've never been a sugar coater. I like to ask thought provoking questions and give people my honest opinion (if they ask for it first, of course, otherwise that's just rude...).

Here's an example of the shoe being on the other foot: (Mine actually)

The other day, I called a couple of my friends for some advice. One of them was my father. (Yes, even after my turbulent angry teen years, I consider my dad my friend.)

I can tell my dad anything, and that man will, well...'tell me like he see's it'. (Gulp)

Never for a second does he entertain any idea that my brain comes up with, if... he sees a true problem with it.

I hat that about him....and love it at the same time.

After a good hour long chat on the phone, I hung up feeling deflated...but confident! You see, I had sensed I wanted to make a choice that may not be the 'best' one...and after telling him all of my ideas, and he telling me 'all of the truth behind my ideas', I realized it probably wasn't going to be the best plan after all.

He was right...of course. (I hate that too sometimes.)

After my husband and I discussed my chat with Dad, we agreed our gut had told us not to do in the first place anyhow, and though I sort of didn't want to listen to it....

I didn't want to, but I needed to.

Often, if we tell our friends the truth about something they are about to do, they can become defensive.
They can even come to the decision that they don't consider us a friend. It's not that we don't believe in them, love them or trust them. It's actually, just the opposite...we care for them more than they know and just don't want to see them fall.

If that causes me to have less friends, so be it. I'd rather be honest with them, than tell them a lie that they will be angry with me for later.

So it's back to the drawing board for me!

Thanks Dad! (And I mean that in the most sincere way.)

Has Your Life Worked Out the Way You Planned?

About 3 1/2  years ago, I felt like I had hit a brick wall.

I sensed that maybe I was in the wrong place, or maybe I was in the right place, but that the wrong things were happening.

Regardless, I definitely knew life was not exactly as I wanted it to be.

So, after an entire month of reflection and evaluation, I realized I had put myself there, and I had to ask whether or not it was what I wanted.

Indeed, I knew I was in the correct place in life. There wasn't anything I did, or didn't do, which I regretted.
I was still relieved about divorcing my 'X', I was still thrilled with my decision to relocate, and I was quite content being a single mom ....but the rest hadn't fallen into place yet.

I wasn't writing, I was stuck in a dead end job, and I still hadn't gotten that book started.

Around that time, I came across this quote:

"You are where you are because you want to be." 


It seemed simple enough, but hit me so hard. 


I realized at that moment, my situation, good or bad, had to do with me and only me...and that to get out of it and make anything happen I had to take charge.


I cannot even remember where I saw or heard that phrase, but it saved my life.

That very day, I stopped the pity party.

Then, I took a  bright colored marker and wrote that exact quote on a sheet of paper...

I taped it to the wall across from my bed. That way, every morning, when I opened my eyes, I was sure to wake up.


Today, I am happy to say that I write three blogs, have a monthly family column which circulates in a local newspaper and I am working on my parenting book every day. I also started my own copywriting and editing business after my hours got cut at my day job...and I have plenty more in my sights.

The future is ours, if only we seize it.

Take My Advice

How many times have you been in a particular situation and asked a friend for some advice?

How often have you actually taken the advice?

Why is it that we could be brave enough to ask for help, but when given a wise word, promptly ignore it and do what we want anyways?

Turn the table and now your friend comes to you for guidance...

It seems so simple to assess their problem and advise them what to do.

Of course I realize that when we aren't emotionally involved it's easy for us to dissect the problem and figure out the next step. We don't have to worry about the consequences or the hard work involved.


Though I think it is also quite easy for us because we can see the situation from the outside of the persons life; making our choice based upon just the issue at hand not the rest of the puzzle.

With that being said, notice how we cannot do that for ourselves?

When our own emotions are involved they say it's too close to home for us to look at things objectively.

I have many friends and not all of them ask for my opinions and/or advice. The ones who do grow at great rates! Those who don't I imagine it's because I do not beat around the bush and I refuse to sugarcoat.

I look at it this way, if I tell my friends what they want to hear I am doing them a disservice.


A friend should not shelter you, they should be curt, frank and on occasion, painfully honest with you because that is what you really need to hear and it's what's best for you.

If you have friends who tell you what you want to hear than:

A) You are robbing yourself of great change and rewards and...

B) Your friend is not as good a friend as they could be


In high school I remember listening for hours to friends with problems. At their request I would really, truly, pay attention to what they were saying. I would understand what was bothering them, I would ask a few questions about how they felt about the situation they were facing and where they wanted to be...then I'd offer them my personal opinion...

How discouraged I would be to see them stay on the path that they were struggling with...even though I gave them the keys to get out of it.

I kept thinking, 'If they trust me enough to ask for my advice, than wouldn't they follow it?'

We do the same thing to ourselves sometimes, we ignore the signs that guide us and tell us what to do next. We deny that changes need to be made.

And Lord help us when somebody says something we don't want to hear. We retreat and/or rebel.

If you are at that type of place with a friend, and you don't particularly like their advice, next time that you are in a pickle and have to make a decision which seems difficult, ask yourself what advice you'd give your them.


Don't sugar coat it and don't be afraid to offend or insult. Sometimes we need it straight because we aren't seeing things clearly.


And the next time your pal tells you something you don't particularly want to hear, don't get angry and pull away...they are only trying to help you...

Just relax and take your own advice.

 Truly,

Amber

'When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care.'- Randy Pausch

'Get a feedback loop and listen to it... When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it.'- Randy Pausch

How Teachable Are You?

How do you react when somebody tries to show you a different way of doing something?

Do you take a step back and become guarded, or do you lean in and say, ‘tell me more’?

Are you open minded to others ideas and suggestions… or are you stubborn?  

Can you honestly turn to others for help with a problem? Or do you deny that anyone else could know more? Do you resist the possibility of someone else doing something better than you? 

Whether we realize it or not, our level of open mindedness (or,  what I call teachablility) will determine how much we grow. It can even improve or hinder how much we accomplish.

Here is a wonderful example. My significant other taught me how to write a book.

I’ve wanted to write books for years, and one time while we were talking, I expressed how frustrated I was about not getting the book put together. I told him how I have so many ideas and I write them all down, but somehow I can’t ever get all of the information in the same place at once and can’t seem to put it into book form.

As he sat and listened to my frustrations I wondered if he would be able to help. I doubted his ability to relate. He has not written a book, he doesn’t even write, and as a matter of fact, he rarely ever reads non-fiction.  But I listened to him and he shocked me. He actually had several solutions and strategies to help me get started writing that book.

Even though I didn’t think that he would have the slightest idea about how to approach book writing, he surprised me because of the skills he possessed as a person were actually quite relevant to the issue. Within hours I had a plan and some new ideas to try. They worked, and I felt better and more able to reach the goals that I had in mind. I was so grateful that he had shared. (And that I listened.)

Another example is, just tonight, my daughter taught me a trick for rice krispie treats. She showed me how she uses wet hands to smooth the treats into the pan. I’d never done that before. She learned it at school. I thought my way worked fine.  I used a greased spatula and it never failed me.

But, I was excited to learn a new way, because actually, rice krispie treats do sometimes get stuck to the spatula, and it is a pain to get off, then the spatula always bends and I’m afraid it will break.

I know that sometimes we feel like we are the master of our world. We might even occasionally believe we have the experience and the know how to solve all of our own problems. It’s not true. Not nearly. Not one person can do it all or solve it all. That is why there are support groups, master mind groups, books, and teams of researchers, doctors and scientists that work together creating solutions.

There isn’t one person who can do it all on his own. I believe the sooner we come to terms with that the better.

I remember when I finally figured this out. I was recently divorced and had three children at home under the age of eight. I’d always done fairly well at taking care of our household and managing life in general.

I realized during this time, that I could not do it all on my own. I might have been strong, but I certainly was not Super Woman, nor did I have the knowledge to figure it all out myself.

It is a liberating feeling when you can admit this to yourself and let go of control. It is actually easier to live and grow.

I have to say, that sometimes, I still want to think I have it under control and know it all....

Last week, I was part of a narrative performance at church. On our first night of practice on stage I choked. Yep. I froze.

Who would’ve thought that I, Amber Chapman, socialite, complete opposite of shy, previous leader and demonstrator for Partylite Gifts, volunteer teacher for fifth and sixth graders at church, froze! I couldn’t remember my lines, got scared and actually needed cuing by the drama director! OUCH.

That was a humbling and humiliating moment.

I got some advice from several caring people, and at first I was certain some of the ideas weren’t going to help.

Understandably, I was upset with myself. I’d spoken in front of 100+ people before. What happened to me up there?

It didn’t matter what happened. It mattered that, with two days left until the real performance, I get it fixed.  I was the only one who had such a flaw during practice and I needed to realize, that no matter what I thought I could do, this apparently wasn’t something that was going to come easy to me.

I had to be open minded and listen. You know what? I received a piece of advice that proved to be one of the most valuable, and not only did that person share what worked, they shared the exact same experience of thinking that they had a previous perfromance under control, when the same thing happened to them, they flopped.

Two days later the performance went off without a hitch and I was cured of stage fright!

Every person has their own list of experiences that no other person could ever know about. We must realize when we get advice or suggestions, it’s usually from someone who cares enough about us to  share.

And you can trust that they have your best interest at heart.

Don’t ever ignore someone’s help because of who they are, where you think they come from or what you think they don’t know, or WORSE, because you are stubborn, humiliated or frustrated. What they have to share just might surprise you and help you more than you expected.

Respect the time and effort someone is putting in trying to help you, because if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t waste their breath;)

"To accept good advice is but to increase one's own ability"- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Amber

And like Jim Tressel explained in The Winners Manual and Randy Pausch said in The Last Last Lecture: When People stop trying to help you and give you advice and guidance, is when you need to worry.