Fun Friday: A Quote on Having it All

You can't have everything...

Where would you put it? 

-Stephen Wright

Y.I. Wednesday: Why I'm Not a Jerk

This may seems like an odd Y.I. for Wednesday, but when I explain, I think you will understand. 

Read this:

Three things in human life are important: 

The first is to be kind. 

The second is to be kind. 

And the third is to be kind.

-HENRY JAMES (1843–1916)

Now ponder this:

Aren't there enough people in the world who spend most of their time purposely making others miserable?

How will it solve anything if I were to adopt the mentality, 'give an eye for an eye'?

How would I be able to lead a peaceful, happy life, if I were to spend my life being mean to anyone just because they make a mistake? 

Most people know me. They know I'm really nice. 

I'm generally known as patient and giving and offer people the benefit of the doubt.

But, those same people know that I have a line, and when it's crossed, I change, then simply cease the above.

Though, I will never be a jerk in the process.

Politeness, Professionalism and Maturity is always called for.

Being a jerk is not.

Think about a time when somebody cut you off or got irritated with you in the store - what did you do?

Did you get mad? Did you slam your hand down, or maybe yell at them?

Could you have just let it go? 

Or could you have dealt with it verbally, minus the drama?

We have a choice.

Being a jerk to someone whose not so nice to you won't ever make things better, and in the rare case that they may have just received some really bad news, and their mind just isn't with it at the moment, it's possible they don't realize they are doing it, and therefore do not deserve to be treated poorly, but instead need some compassion.

Some things to think about:

It's not always personal, so don't always take it as such.

How you act reflects upon you.

What you do will come back to you, so treat other's how you want to be treated.

And for those who deal with the aforementioned 'repeat-offending-purposeful-jerks'? 

Keep calm and carry on, because:

A) It still has nothing to do with you.

B) They're not worth the escalated blood pressure.

What do you NOT do and Why?

Patience, Gas and Grace

This past Friday afternoon,  during peak traffic time I was making several stops on what I consider an empty tank of gas. Let me rephrase that: On what my car considers 'fumes'.

I had to get to an appointment at a specific time and felt that I'd left myself plenty of room to do my errands, fuel up and be on my way without being late.

The first stop took twice as long as expected. The second stop took some extra time as well...and as I pulled into the first gas station I came to, cars were lined up all the way out into the road. (No, I do not believe this gas station was having a great sale or anything, -I WISH. I'm pretty sure most of these people just had the same idea as I did....'I'll fill up on payday'.)

I was the third car in a line of cars that were sitting in the road, and hadn't made it into the actual entrance yet, so I knew this hold-up was going to make me late for sure. I felt like I was verging on a toe tapping moment of aggravation. I quickly scanned the pumps. Each and every one had multiple cars pumping and waiting.  I kept hoping I'd find someone just leaving so I could zip in. As I got closer to the pump lines, and with traffic lining up behind me, some of the cars had my initial idea to zoom around the pumps looking for an open spot.

Something strange happened for me though...I let them all speed by me...

Then, I opted to pull up to the first pump I came to. And even though it had one of the biggest trucks at it, and was probably the person pumping the most gallons of gas- besides the giant brown R.V. to my left, I ecided to sit and wait for him to get done.

I'd learned from past moments of impatience, how it usually does me no good to rush around looking for a spot because in the end I'm usually left angry, out of luck and I end up waiting longer anyhow.

Having patience felt great! I relaxed in the car and was able to catch up on a blog I subscribe to where the topic was public speaking. As I read the post I thought, 'How perfect! This might be a while, and this blog is really great!

When I was done, I was late to my appointment, but I wasn't late and mad.

I haven't talked much about My One Word lately, but I still try daily to use it.

When I thought about my choice to use patience at the pumps, I knew immediately it meant that I was using My One Word.

I knew I didn't need to expend energy, and emotion, doing something counterproductive. Instead I could just sit still and relax. It felt good to be calm, and breathe.

I ended up having a great afternoon, thanks to My New Year's Resolution of using My One Word.

 

Truly,

Amber

Fall is A Sign

I believe that when things fall into place it's a sign.

But I also believe it's a sign when things don't.

Many times in my life I've experienced moments where I should've been less stubborn and pushed less.

There's times in life where we should, and can, push hard towards a goal...and other times when we need to back off and give it a rest.

We won't always know when that is, but a good indication is when you have tried more than two or three ways to solve a problem, or achieve a goal. That is generally a good time to step back and walk away...not forever, just for a while.

Another sign is if no matter what you find yourself in constant distress and repeated road blocks. It may be a sign that this isn't going to happen, or shouldn't happen.

And you know if you push it...it can sometimes turn out badly.

Remember the old saying, 'Good things come to those who wait'...

Don't worry, you aren't giving up on your goals and dreams...

You're just having patience for it!

Better Decision Making with Patience

At church this past Sunday, our pastor was talking about patience.

You and I both know that many of us do not have patience, and the companies that sell us products are in no hurry to talk us out of this.

We have phones with email. We instant message and we have call waiting (which must really irk the guy who’s waiting for someone on the other end to pick up).

It seems as though nothing, or no one, can wait these days.

Pastor said the same thing.

He used microwaves as an example and he referred to the ‘close-door-button’ in elevators.

The close-door-button thing got me. I had to think about that one. 

Why do we have a close-door-button on elevators?

Like Pastor pointed out, the door closes just seconds after we press the button for which floor we are choosing to go to. But many of us stand there with our fingers glued to that button, pushing it, like no tomorrow.

I don’t know why we do this and I have no idea why elevators have this button.

My hunch is this: elevator sales people kept telling their higher ups that if the engineering department were to design elevators with close-door-buttons as a feature, they would sell more, because they know we all hate to wait.

It makes me laugh, but this lack of patience thing is so true.

Take for instance decision making.

How many of us take our time making decisions? 

 

Generally when we are out purchasing a vehicle or TV, the salesman has a ‘today only’ special. Or when picking out toothpaste at the grocery store, someone is always behind us waiting to pick out theirs too...

in both instances we feel pressured to choose.

Most times it's possible we end up coming home with something that we didn’t quite want.

But, it's all about now. 

We have to do it now. Get it now. Buy it now and decide it now.

Why?

What will happen if we don’t?

What would happen if I decided to go home and ‘sleep on it’ (like our parents used to say)?

What would happen if I said no to that TV?  Would they stop making them?  Doubt it.

What if I didn't buy that shirt today? Would I miss the greatest deal of a lifetime? Probably not.

I’m beginning to learn that better choices (and thinking) come with time.

Ever hear the phrase ‘to make an educated decision’?

It takes facts and research to become educated; which essentially takes – you guessed it- time.

We just need to relax and realize that a decision that is not obviously life or death is not actually life or death.

And nothing is going to happen if that decision is not made right-this-instant.

Some of us, like myself, are eager to say yes to everything. (I just had this discussion with someone today.) We always feel that we have to do, and accept, everything someone offers us.

Well, we don’t.

And the world will not end if we wait and respond with, ‘let me sleep on it’, ‘let me give you my answer tomorrow’, ‘let me think about it’, or ‘when do you need to know by?’.

Life is what we make it and each day and decision should not be chosen hastily.

Use these tips:

When preparing to purchase something:

• Write the item down in a notebook and don’t buy it. Come back to it in a month. If you still think you need it, buy it. But you will possibly forget about it by then.

When asked to do a favor for someone:

• First take a breath, count to 5 and ask yourself this question: is this person a good friend, would they help me, will this interfere with my family/friends/work and the things that really matter in my life- i.e., do I have time for this? (Consider that maybe this favor could be performed at a different time so that you may still be of help.)

When making a life changing decision:

• Discuss it with people you trust, people who have done what it is you are thinking about doing (or have experience with it).

And, as with any decision, being honest with yourself is key. 

Writing the pros and cons down on a sheet of paper will sometimes spell out the truth.

Spend no more than a few days to a week educating yourself on it and then take a break. 

Stop talking about it, put it away and live life as you were. (There is a potential to obsess about it and create a fictitious need for something-especially if you test drove it;)

So, take a break and then come back with a fresh perspective the one you had before you began daydreaming.

Once you try this, you might think it’s magical.

Okay, maybe it isn’t quite magical in the wizardly sense, but it is an amazing concept.

Try it and see.

 

Truly,

Amber

FU on Grace

Today was not a very graceful day…maybe it has something to do with the chocolate….

Anyway, I swore, (and I’ve vowed to stop that) I yelled out loud in my car at another driver on the road and I pouted at the end of the day.

I’ve been struggling a little bit with My One Word…and that is why I’ve decided to do a little FU on Grace…

Follow up, that is.

I’m not perfect, heck, that’s why I’m using Grace  as My One Word this year; to help me practice being Graceful in all aspects of my life….

HA!!!!

If I had picked kindness, compassion, or charity, there’d be no problem…

Or, if I chose humbleness, strength, or maybe humor, I’d say again, NO problem,  ‘I got this’…. 

But, if I had, it’d be too easy.

So, I picked Grace

…Ugh…

I picked Grace because I felt that I needed reminding sometimes. I needed a cue to force me to display patience when I didn’t want to, and give forgiveness when I should but can’t. 

It sounded like a great idea!

I really don’t do long lists of New Year’s Resolutions anymore and I thought choosing a word to live by for 12 months would be fun!

Yeah, no, it’s hard.

I definitely don’t want to discourage anyone from doing it. I just advise you be prepared.

‘This ain’t no picnic Boo Boo.’

It’s biting your tongue, holding your breath, counting to ten, and sometimes just walking away.

It’s seeing someone for good, rather than bad. Viewing things from other people’s perspectives. It’s taking time to reel yourself in and think about what you do and why you do it.

The good thing about My One Word is I never feel discouraged so much that I want to quit it. Since this type of resolution is one that is just between me (well.. and now you..) and myself. I know that if I get it wrong today, I will learn something from it and then get back on track tomorrow with practicing Grace.

If you’d like to try doing what I am doing, visit this site, it is one of my favorites and it’s where I got this idea.

My One Word:

http://myoneword.org/choose/

On this site you can do an exercise or two. You can also read some inspirational stories and take a few minutes to gain insight into yourself, who you want to be and where you want to go. 

Or… you could just get frustrated trying to live by One Word …LIKE ME!!

If you visit the site or choose your own One Word, please come back and share with me what you thought and/or what One Word you chose.

Tomorrow is another day….

Hopefully it will be GRACEFUL.

 

Truly

Amber

Time Is On Your Side

I used to think that time was my enemy. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick….tock.

The seconds, minutes and hours continuously counting down…

It always seemed as if the clock next to me was forever pressuring me to make a decision, accomplish something or be somewhere.

I was constantly in a race with time to get to where I wanted to be; literally and figuratively.

But I’ve noticed that time can also work the opposite way as well.

When we are waiting in line for something, how many of us feel that time just doesn’t go by quick enough?

And how about when we’re in pain? Doesn’t it always feel like the moment will never pass?

I distinctly recall a time where I went through something like that.

I was sitting in my kitchen, crying my eyes out. I was still living in Connecticut and had recently divorced.

I had done it! I had divorced my husband. I had gone back to work after being a stay at home mom for two years. I had successfully made it through a one year battle to finish the legal part of the divorce and I was happy! So why was so petrified?

Because I felt like the clock of life was going too fast.

That night in my kitchen, five years ago, I panicked about now. It seems silly, but I really did fret about today. 

The divorce was final and I was free. But I heard the tick tock of the clock and worried about where I would be and what I would be doing in several years.

So, here I am; it is February of 2011 and it has been 5 years since my divorce and what I realized was that time was never my enemy…time was always my friend.

Time was a tool. Patience and faith was the key.

I am right where I am supposed to be. And I have been on a wonderful journey.

I successfully found work in Ohio, I relocated with my three children, I won custody, I’m writing again and now I’m getting married to the love of my life.

These are all good things… and none of which would have happened without time.

If I was hasty for results and too quick to arrive somewhere, I would have made lots of devastating mistakes.

See, when we are patient, we give ourselves the necessary opportunities we require to become who we are meant to be... as well as where we are meant to arrive…

Our destiny if you will.

Time can help us in other ways too.

In every day events time can help tame a tongue, encourage us to think before we make a decision, and has proven to help us make smarter purchases (when we wait a week or two to buy something we can’t live without…we end up not buying it at all…because time taught us that we don’t really ‘need’ it).

Time can create stronger relationships and heal broken hearts.

Time is not against us, it's actually our friend.

So, the next occasion when you feel pressured by the tick tock of the nasty clock…look at it and smile.

Time is a Gift, Use it Wisely

Be thankful that you have that extra time to say you’re sorry, change your mind, grow as a person or fix a mistake.

Truly,

Amber

I'm sorry.

No one’s perfect right? If I screw up, oh well, right? It’s no secret that I make mistakes. So, the sooner I apologize and work on rectifying the situation, the better…I try to teach this to my children, by example. And in the past, I have more than once, admitted being tired and that ‘I didn’t mean to yell’.  I’ve also been known to admit I was wrong when I didn’t let my child finish their sentence before I jumped to a conclusion.

I’m hoping that I’m  teaching them that I’ve acknowledged my wrong-doing, and  they were correct in feeling I was off base, or out of line. During moments like those I end up learning a valuable lesson on how to handle things the next time, while teaching them how to behave and how not to behave.

So, what’s the big deal with making an apology to my significant other?

There shouldn’t be anything wrong with it, but it always seems slightly more difficult to do than apologizing to the kids.

Today was one of those days….

My significant other was doing his best to address something we talked about previously. He was being pro-active, and trying to do the right thing, he was trying to talk to me about something and I basically made him wish he hadn’t.

I was having a rough morning. I hadn’t gotten up when the alarm first went off, my children needed assistance all at the same time, and I was doing a last minute thing for school. I was not happy with the situation.  Nor was I happy with myself.

I was frustrated and I just wanted to be done with what I was doing. I did not want any interruptions, let alone any questions. I had a ton of other things on my mind and I was abrupt. I quickly cut off the conversation. I did not handle it well, to say the least.

I felt awful. I knew, even before he left for work, that I was wrong. I tried to talk to him about it, but without apologizing. I guess I wanted to think that I was right.

After he left I felt even worse. I knew I was wrong and I really hadn’t meant to start the day off that way.

We would now spend all day apart…he would think that he’d been wrong, when all along, he’d been right.

I put on some quiet music and began to think as I went about my morning. I let go of my pride and had the sudden urge to text him, two words: I’m sorry.

To my surprise, he apologized back. He said that he could have handled things better and I said the same. It made me smile. I felt relieved, the weight had been lifted.

Now he could go about his day without the stress and anguish he’d gotten, from being confused. And, although I may have preferred him to go about the morning’s discussion a little differently, the truth was, he did the best he could. He was working hard to communicate. (Something I’ve asked him to improve on.)

I, on the other hand, displayed no patience what-so-ever and ended up messing up a good moment and feeling guilty about it.

So, I learned today, that my patience is best used when I don’t have any ;)

I suppose it’s moments like those that counting to 5, or 10, if need be, would be wise and quite helpful. Even just putting up a hand to ask for a second or two to think and focus. That way, I will refrain from pushing someone away, when all they were trying to do was ‘the right thing’. And…most likely, it would keep me from having to apologize.

Thankfully, my mistake was easily rectified and I was forgiven. It’s not easy to admit your wrong, but it sure is best to not wait too long to make the apology.

We both learned a little something today about our communication habits, we both had a great day at work, and coming home tonight was wonderful. It was as if this morning never happened.

Nobody accomplishes anything by holding on to pride or anger. No one wins when you want to be right.

Be humble and love.