Take My Advice

How many times have you been in a particular situation and asked a friend for some advice?

How often have you actually taken the advice?

Why is it that we could be brave enough to ask for help, but when given a wise word, promptly ignore it and do what we want anyways?

Turn the table and now your friend comes to you for guidance...

It seems so simple to assess their problem and advise them what to do.

Of course I realize that when we aren't emotionally involved it's easy for us to dissect the problem and figure out the next step. We don't have to worry about the consequences or the hard work involved.


Though I think it is also quite easy for us because we can see the situation from the outside of the persons life; making our choice based upon just the issue at hand not the rest of the puzzle.

With that being said, notice how we cannot do that for ourselves?

When our own emotions are involved they say it's too close to home for us to look at things objectively.

I have many friends and not all of them ask for my opinions and/or advice. The ones who do grow at great rates! Those who don't I imagine it's because I do not beat around the bush and I refuse to sugarcoat.

I look at it this way, if I tell my friends what they want to hear I am doing them a disservice.


A friend should not shelter you, they should be curt, frank and on occasion, painfully honest with you because that is what you really need to hear and it's what's best for you.

If you have friends who tell you what you want to hear than:

A) You are robbing yourself of great change and rewards and...

B) Your friend is not as good a friend as they could be


In high school I remember listening for hours to friends with problems. At their request I would really, truly, pay attention to what they were saying. I would understand what was bothering them, I would ask a few questions about how they felt about the situation they were facing and where they wanted to be...then I'd offer them my personal opinion...

How discouraged I would be to see them stay on the path that they were struggling with...even though I gave them the keys to get out of it.

I kept thinking, 'If they trust me enough to ask for my advice, than wouldn't they follow it?'

We do the same thing to ourselves sometimes, we ignore the signs that guide us and tell us what to do next. We deny that changes need to be made.

And Lord help us when somebody says something we don't want to hear. We retreat and/or rebel.

If you are at that type of place with a friend, and you don't particularly like their advice, next time that you are in a pickle and have to make a decision which seems difficult, ask yourself what advice you'd give your them.


Don't sugar coat it and don't be afraid to offend or insult. Sometimes we need it straight because we aren't seeing things clearly.


And the next time your pal tells you something you don't particularly want to hear, don't get angry and pull away...they are only trying to help you...

Just relax and take your own advice.

 Truly,

Amber

'When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care.'- Randy Pausch

'Get a feedback loop and listen to it... When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it.'- Randy Pausch

I’m an addict

I love to solve problems.  

I don’t like Crossword puzzles or Sudoku very much, but I do enjoy the challenge of figuring things out. I will take anything apart and attempt to put it back together again. I thoroughly enjoy fixing things.

I get so excited to improve anything and everything.

From finances to customer service; writing to parenting; relationships to faith, I think I can always make it better.

That’s right, I’m an addict.

I’m addicted to self-help material; like how-to books, videos and articles. I spend hours in the non-fiction-self-help section of libraries and bookstores. I write about it, dream about and l annoy my friends and family with it.

But with that being said…

Even I am starting to get sick of the influx of media trying to sell me answers to my problems.

I have a Twitter account, Facebook page and a couple of different email addresses and there is not a day (ssshhheeeshh…a minute) that goes by where my phone and/or computer are not blowing up with quick-fixes for my life.

“I’m fine.  Thank you very much.” is all I want to say sometimes.

On magazine covers, on sidebars advertisements of websites, and in the pages of the newspaper…

If it’s not a better food, it’s a better drink. If it’s not a better body, it’s better clothes. It it’s not better thinking, it’s better medicine. The list goes on and on.

Since when did being ourselves become such a problem? Don’t we like ourselves at ALL?

What is the world coming to? I mean if this is what the media is selling; doesn’t that mean this is what we’re buying?

What happened with being content? What happened to acceptance?

 And what the heck happened to ‘This is Me’.  Like ‘Me or not’.

I admit it (and like I’ve said previously), you don’t have to twist my arm to work hard at fixing something in my life; I am all for advancement, but man, is it just me or is the world on ‘fix-it-overload’?

Everybody knows something that they want to teach you. And as wonderful as it is to want to help others and share our experiences, (I feel like I am one of those people) I wonder if others are sick of hearing it.

Are we asking for the advice or is it unsolicited? And can we even tell the difference?

I’m usually the one who says, ‘Yes, bring it on; let’s do this!’ and lately I feel more like, ‘Shut up already.’

I have to wonder…. when even I am sick of this stuff, what are other people are thinking?

Not one of us on this planet is perfect. Not one of us is pristinely healthy, or perfectly well versed or wonderfully well-behaved  24/flipping/7.  And if someone pretends to be perfect, they are full of it.

How many celebrities have we seen, including presidents of the United States, go down??? Hmmm?

If we were perfect, there would not be these things called faux pas, accidents, my bads, oopsies or #@$! And no one would ever regret a thing and we would never have to say ‘I’m sorry’.

To err is human.

And, it doesn’t matter what type of degree you hold, what your background is, or even how much money you have, you will not be perfect.

So, that leads me to this question; Self-help, I think, is a necessity. Isn’t it? I mean, what would we do without the option of getting better at something, or having the ability and freedom to improve a weakness or downfall? After all, that is our second chance.

This leads me to another question: where is the balance between self-improvement and self-acceptance?

I do not know the answer, but I am determined to find out.

                  (To be Continued…)

A couple of quotes that seemed fitting:

Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.-J. Donald Walters Author, Lecturer

Loving Yourself is Healing the World!-Jaymie Gerard

Truly,

Amber