Y.I. Wednesday: Why I Love this World Peace Poem

by Shel Silverstein

This is the sweetest poem, if you're interested in world peace...

Not just because it's written by my most favorite author when I was a kid, 

but because it's also the easiest to incorporate in your life.

Make it your goal to make someone smile and feel loved today...

Pass it on.

A Quote by Jimi Henrix

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

Jimi Hendrix

Y.I. Wednesday: Why I Believe in Love

Find this wallpaper here

Some say I'm a fool for remarrying...
I know, it is a little crazy...but...
Love is something which is not always easy to avoid...


Nor is it perfect (let's just set the record straight)...


But...

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.-Kahlil Gibran 

Fun Friday Quote: Love

Exposureradio.org

Well Said.

America is Accepting Gay Marriage

I have met many people in my life and most have become my friends.

Some are bi-sexual, some are homosexual and there are those that some would consider straight

(as if to insinuate that those who do not share the same ideals about relationships are 'not right' in their thinking).

I never understood fully why anyone would assume that a person of a different sexual orientation should be treated any differently.

People are all the same to me and none should not be denied love, acceptance and friendship. 

So, regardless of their lifestyles, and sexual orientation, my friends will always be straight with me.

And here’s to them:

A beautiful collection of wedding photos that shows how America can truly be accepting, loving and fair.

These couples were able to share their love for one another with the rest of the world, just like many other U.S. citizens can...and rightly they should :)

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Truly, 

Amber

Valentine’s Day is not just for lovers…

History says Valentine’s Day is all about showing your loved one you care.

People who are dating exchange mushy cards, husbands take their wives out for dinner and guys buy their girls flowers and chocolates, etc., etc.

But what if you are not involved in an intimate relationship??

Then who do you share Valentine’s love with? Maybe your parents, your best friend or your children?

How about yourself?

It may sound weird. But I’m being serious.

It’s Valentine’s Day!  And who says we cannot share love with ourselves today!?

How many of us actually love ourselves? And how fair and kind are we to ourselves?

When we are nearly flawless in carry out something, we indisputably pat ourselves on the back. But think about how often we tend to put ourselves down when we don’t perform perfectly.

This morning I made banana bread. I’ve made this scratch recipe hundreds of times and never messed it up but today I allowed myself to get distracted and forgot to add not one ingredient, but two. Noticing AFTER each time I put the bread back into the pan and into the oven! Ugh.

We were soon headed to church and I had a limited amount of time to complete this correctly. I still needed to get into the shower and I knew the noses of my family had already smelled the wafting of bananas.

Everyone was waiting for this bread and I found that I was getting upset and disappointed with myself. I almost let it get to me.

I had to quickly get myself into check and remember, I am not perfect and no matter if the bread comes out bad or not, I did my best and it-is-what-it-is. My family will not hate me, they will not starve and I will not let my mistake to ruin my morning. 

I allowed myself patience, mercy and love and I felt so much better about things. In the end, the bread was amazing and we were at church on timeJ

Whether in a relationship this Valentine’s Day or not, remember 1 Corinthians 13:4, which says:

Love is patient and kind,

It is not jealous or envious,

Never boastful or proud.

Love is not ill mannered or selfish or easily angered.

Love does not keep a record of wrongs; it does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Love never gives up. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes always perseveres, love never fails.

In romantic relationships, love is what sustains us during illnesses, job losses, and ill spoken words.

For the one who may be single, loving ourselves is what gives us faith, self-acceptance and inner strength to become a much stronger person.

 Happy Valentine’s Day!

                 Love yourself today!

Truly,

Amber

Mourning with Arizona – Part III

What’s the Solution?
This posting is in three parts and was originally written and posted on Family Matters with Amber-If you would like to read Parts 1/2 please go to:
www.FamilyMattersWithAmber.blogspot.com

Right about now, I think every American is asking that question.

Standing up for what you believe in, in this country, is supposed to be a right, and a freedom. So why does it always seem like we are paying for it?

Fact: there will always be someone who has an opinion that differs from our own.

Unfortunately some people take it to extremes. They deem you, and your life, not worthy, because your beliefs do not match theirs.

What’s wrong with this picture?  

Sadly, everything… So, what’s the plan?

I’m not sure that we can devise one without first understanding the problem.

Following the Arizona shootings, some have speculated the following reasons for this occurrence:

1.       It was a result of Gabrielle Giffords’ views and her support of health care laws…

Interesting, but probably not likely to be Jared’s only motive. Plus, other representatives have the same views as Gabby and they weren’t gunned down.

2.       It’s Sarah Palin’s fault because she used a scope-icon to identify certain people and parties, and that is where Jared first created this disgusting plan…

Though I agree that her poor choice of bad clip-art was indeed pretty distasteful and not well thought out, and by now probably regrets it, but, I’m also pretty sure she isn’t the only one to express her thoughts on Giffords, so I highly doubt that Palin was the reason Loughner went on his spree.

3.       It’s because of violent video games.

While I believe that condoning our children using games where the objective is to run around with weapons and go on killing sprees, (hence why I don’t allow my children to play them) ,I still think that there is more to it. I just cannot believe that kids say, ‘hey let’s try that for fun in real life’. They must be angry enough already to feel the desire to do something so heinous. If the video games are to blame, you may as well blame movies and their imagination because those things offer them plenty.

4.       Its Jared Loughner’s deranged mind…

Okay, fair judgment, considering only a very, mentally, unstable person would be able to carry out the terrifying act he did, but he had no previous record, and was not at all suspicious to a cop who stopped him the morning of the shootings. And apparently, he was okay before this. Per his old girlfriend, he was kind and sweet and non-abusive.

5.       It is a result of Jared Loughner exhausted and on drugs…

Could be, but sounds like his plan started way before his all-nighter did.

6.       It’s because Jared owned a gun.

A lot of people own guns. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Besides, not every gun owner goes out and murders people with theirs. So I don’t think it’s the gun. There are a lot of other weapons in the world…people don’t always use guns to kill others. (Should everyone have a gun? I don’t believe so, but with a clean record and some money, anyone can get one, and some don’t even need that.)

My personal belief is that this, and many other acts of violence involving guns, is not the guns themselves, and not always the issue surrounding the event, but the anger inside the person who did it and what started it.

I am not a doctor, I am not a psychologist, I am just a mother in America, trying to sort through the mess that I call home. I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and my thoughts on this might not be worth much, but I wonder, of these theories, how many considered the child within the murderer?

I think many who are speculating about the problem are missing the big picture.

Honestly, how many people have considered deep seeded unaddressed anger, lack of self-esteem, disappointment, stress, lack of self-control or lack of faith? Maybe even lack of love?

People hurt people because they are hurting…

If someone feels loved, can they truly feel hate?

I’ve noticed it doesn’t matter anymore what you do, there is always that risk that some angry person could harm you.

So many people want someone to blame…so many want somewhere to direct their pain…too many want others to hurt with them.

We are always going to have politics and differing opinions. There will always be jobs lost, divorces and things that don’t go our way. There will always be people in pain. But America has to stop killing each other over it.

It seems more and more common; committing Random Acts of Violence rather than Random Acts of Kindness.

It happens in homes among family members, it happens in parking lots, in shopping centers, office buildings and in traffic. (Remember in the early 90’s, all of the cases of road rage? People were pulling out guns on the highway and shooting each other for getting cut off in traffic.)

My speculation?

America is angry.

Just look at our schools. Bullying is becoming an epidemic. It’s going as far as causing murders and suicides amongst children. (Remember the mother/daughter bullying via face book, fellow student commits suicide?)

Events like this are happening inside of our schools, homes, shopping centers, office buildings, etc., and there is no law, improved screening process, metal detector or lock down drills that will prevent an unstable, hurting individual from pulling the trigger on his weapon of choice…

And, it is highly possible that the individuals committing these crimes don’t even understand where their pain begins; they just know that they want to hate others and they feel that ending someone else’s life, or paining someone else as much as they’ve been pained, will bring a complete end to their suffering.

It’s so disheartening when someone’s life is taken by a person who is in pain. Maybe they have been bullied or alienated.  Recent events like a job loss, divorce, demotion or passed over promotion has left them alone and hurt, so they seek revenge; randomly.

Now for the million dollar question…

How can we help?  

More guns or less?

More people carrying guns…or less?

More jails and security?

More anger, revenge and hatred? (We see that’s not working.)

Loughner was just 22 years old, so young. So immature and he chose to do something so senseless and hurtful. And there are children everywhere, younger than him doing this to their schoolmates…It needs to stop.

The one common thread amongst individuals committing crimes of this type? They became distant and were considered somewhat of a loner.

My Solution?

We have to work from the inside out…

We need to teach the world to hurt healthy so that we don’t harm others when we are in pain.

Like my mission in life…

We need to improve the emotional wellbeing of everyone around us so there is less pain and less people who feel alone. So that less and less of these things happen.

We must teach children from the time they are infants that it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to be sad, and teach them how to handle it.

Teach men it’s okay to cry.  Teach people to be kind, even when they don’t feel like it.

We must help children understand the importance of self-esteem and help them achieve it by building them up; holding their hand through tough times, showing them that we can help, and most importantly, that they’re not alone.

Love for others comes by feeling accepted and loved ourselves.

We need more love, compassion and acceptance; more understanding, patience and tolerance; stronger self identities and self-esteem.  All of this is learned by being nurtured and loved unconditionally as children and by being offered opportunities to accomplish things themselves.

We must do our best to help our children grow up loving themselves; and not the narcissistic way; by bullying others. But by being giving and compassionate. We must work on improving our children emotionally so that they can care for, and not hurt, others.

Luckily, there are many people who know that no matter what has happened to them, no amount of expressed, ill- directed anger, will replace the person, or thing, they once had.  Those are most likely the ones who deal with the pain, are secure in themselves, feel loved and have faith.

Those types of people understand that anger is a feeling. It’s a feeling that with proper understanding, support and time, will eventually pass, at the very least, will become bearable. They know that it’s normal and natural, and they really do believe, and are convinced, that hurting others or themselves is never going to make the pain go away. They need to be the ones to be the model; the ones who teach; the ones who reach out.

Christina Green’s parents are dealing with the pain and they are choosing not to use hatred to express how they hurt. They are giving; they donated their daughter’s organs to save a life. They are appreciative; they thanked everyone who supports them through this. They are hopeful and strong.

This is our future.

This is our children’s future.

 “You have affected the whole country,” Christina’s father said.

…She certainly has…Arizona was our wake up call.

So that Christina-Taylor Green’s passing is not in vain, I pray that this event gives us all a strong desire to work harder to change the direction of our youth and of the angry, by healing people from the inside out.

In the end, it’s a possibility that no one will ever really know why Jared Loughner pulled the trigger so many times that day…

… I think if we had that answer, we’d be that much closer to world peace.

Truly,

Amber

More than Love

I went to the library a couple of weeks ago for some encouragement and insight on relationships.

I picked out an audio book called Rescue Your Love Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

I have to admit, at first I felt like seemed too severe. I knew that my significant other and I had things we needed to work on, but were we really in that much trouble?

Both of us are from divorced parents, and both of us are divorced as well, so we have some baggage and try often to work things out together as best as possible. We usually do okay, but I felt like we needed something else.

I noticed the subtitle:  Change Those Dumb Attitudes & Behaviors That Will Sink Your Marriage.

I was a bit embarrassed to check this out, wondering if my relationship really needed to be rescued from sinking. And if it did, why in the world were we even together?

The  audio book was clearly meant for the married couple, but I got it anyhow, hoping it would have something amazing to teach us.

 We are not married, but we are living together raising my three children. We are in this for the long haul, so we really needed some insight into how we could be in love more often, and learn how to communicate better.

We listened to the cd’s separately while still having problems, and it didn’t seem to change things.

Then I took my significant other’s advice and we listened to them together on our extended car ride this weekend.  

It was a great idea! We learned a lot and had many opportunities to talk about what we were listening to and how it related to us and the issues in our own relationship.

We learned in many situations it’s as simple as dumb thinking which can totally ruin the chance to grow as a couple, and rob us of moments of understanding more about each other. And we were relieved to realize that a lot of what we are experiencing is not only normal for most couples at this stage, but it is also an important part of the next step of growing in love. Wow! We also didn’t realize that it’s okay to go through this time and that, if handled with care, it will actually take us to the next level of our relationship and build a stronger love.

At the end of most segments on the cd’s they had something called ‘Check it out’. They’re examples of ‘if the shoe was on the other foot’ situations and how would we feel if it were us? It shared other people’s stories and the solutions, as well as related bible verses.

I’m so glad we got the audio book even though the title seemed too serious and was actually meant for married couples. In listening to these, we learned so much and sooner than later!

We are also reading I Promise by Dr. Gary Smalley, and it too explains that these difficult stages are the crucial moments of the two of us to be real with each other and grow closer as we work on our differences and use them to compliment our life together.

Married or not- at this point, we care deeply about our relationship as many married and unmarried couples do.

We are deepening our love relationship already, just by changing our thinking.

I shouldn’t be surprised, since isn’t that where fixing things begins?  With ourselves?

While listening to these cd’s  we were in awe of how much of this seemed like common sense and seemed so easy to do, but until pointed out, we never considered. The Love of My Life put it like this: these books help us see and understand minor problems and differences in thinking that would severely affect  an otherwise good relationship.

Between this set of cds and the book I promise by, we are realizing that we are at a wonderful stage. We are seeing each other for who we are. We’ve learned that this is a great place for us to be right now. They say that we will bring out the worst in each other and that it’s okay and actually healthy at this point. And that we need to work these things out and go through it , and as long as we are open, communicative, loving and fair when disagreeing and listening, we are and will be okay.

And we are okay, we are better now than we were  in the very beginning of our relationship! And we have actually had many strides we’ve made along the way that we accomplished on our own, and that we can be proud of. Now we are looking forward to many more with the tips in these books.

In the end, I learned that it was more about me that needed fixing than with him, and he learned there was more for him to work on than me. ;) Basically we learned a lot about the amount of control we had on each other, none.

As for our relationship, our goal is to have a strong bond over the long term, and realize how much work the relationship requires. Because even when you have as much in common and as much love as we do, we are human, we are not perfect and need a hand sometimes.

We found so much understanding of what we are going through to be a normal phase of a relationship which will go long term if we omit our stinking thinking, work a little harder to listen to each other more and give, give give.

And at the end of the day, we loved the fact that we can look at each other and know, without a doubt, that we are both committed to do whatever it takes to meet half way and work together to better our relationship, no matter what it takes.

And to confirm the common myth about relationships:

You need way more than just love, you need a lot of elbow grease;)

Love

Today, I blow dried a Kitty.

Not a real kitty, my son’s stuffed Kitty. But I blow dried it none the less.

While making dinner, my son was helping to set the table, and when he opened the drawer where we keep the place mats, he dropped his kitty into our real cat’s water bowl.

He froze, moaned and then looked at me. He seemed so desperate. He just had this stare as if to say, ‘HELP!’.

I scooted over to him, took Kitty and shook him off over the sink. Then I squeezed his paws into a clean dish towel.

To me, that was not enough for poor Kitty. He was hurt, he fell and he was all wet and dirty.

So Mommy said that Kitty needed some more help. We cradled Kitty in the dish towel and took him to the bathroom and laid him on the counter. As I proceeded to pull out the blow dryer from underneath the sink, my son’s eyes got really big and he said, ‘Oh no! What are you going to do?!’.

I shook my head and said, ‘Well…his paws are still pretty wet…we’re going to have to blow dry him’. I diligently rubbed and blew dry all four of Kitty’s paws. 

In five minutes, Kitty was dry. My son had giggled the whole time, I even laughed a little. I then handed Kitty over to him; they were off and running as if it had never happened.

It was both tragic but cute. Kitty is so important to my son. He takes Kitty everywhere;  to breakfast, to watch a movie and takes Kitty to his Dad’s. When you have an attachment like that to something, it’s scary and sad for a little kid to think of something bad happening to it, and worse, something bad happening to it and someone not understanding how much it means to you to make it all better and save it.

I wanted to make it somewhat of a big deal that Kitty fell in the water and needed blow drying, because I think it showed my son that I cared for Kitty just as much as he did. I wanted him to see that I understood.

As a parent, some things may not seem as trivial to us, as they are to our children. And they may happen at such inconvenient times. But we need to look at things through their eyes. If we consider it from their point of view we are better able to relate to them. In the end they feel validated; i.e., Loved.

Over the years, I have very carefully and patiently hand washed hazelnut coffee off of a non-machine-washable stuffed Lamby and sewn her smile back on twice. I have sewn and re-sewn and patched, Soft Blankie. I have, time and again, trimmed and tied into knots Blue and Yellow from fraying.

I have also, at eight months pregnant, gone to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night to replace a two-day-old-goldfish for my three year old, just so in the morning, she would not cry.

The things we do for someone when we love them is just amazing, and it's not just parents who will go out of their way for a loved one.

When we really truly love someone, we will go to the ends of the earth to protect them from being hurt or to help them feel better. Equally, we will go to great lengths to prove we understand them and feel for them.

Having empathy and compassion is a major component in love.
It's also the motivating factor behind how far we will go to save our loved one from pain.

Understanding how someone feels, i.e., validating them, preserves their emotional well-being, which is essential to them feeling loved and have the ability to trust.

I understood how my son felt, and I was able to go the extra mile help him feel like I really loved him, and his Kitty. In the end he feels very special and trusts that I understand and love him, all because I blow dried his Kitty.

Now  if Kitty fell in the toilet, my son and I would have to have a talk….but he didn't, he just got a little wet.....thank goodness.



Kitty feels better now that he's dry....so does my son:)

Amber