Monday, January 3, 2011

Taking the Plunge Again

I’m getting married in ten months and it’s not my first time.
I was married in 1995 and stayed married for ten years.
I worked hard on my marriage and resorted to divorce only after I felt I’d exhausted every avenue of repairing my relationship. And as I was asked in the court room that day, ‘is this marriage broken down without the possibility of repair’; I answered yes, it had. I was done and clearly he’d been done for a while.
I had broken dreams and my life was upside down. But I knew that I was an amazing mother and person, and that whatever problems I had, I could fix, and whatever problems he had, I would never be able to fix.
Divorce leaves a person broken and jaded. It’s a tumultuous event and it uproots all that you are and all that you know.  But, in some severe cases, it’s necessary.
I walked away certain that I never wanted to get married again.
As I moved farther along past the divorce, I realized that getting remarried was probably something I would like to do again but I didn’t know when I’d be ready.
To actually get married a second time, I had to be absolutely, positively  sure that it was the right thing. Especially, since I have three children.
I am sure that this marriage is the right thing and I only wish I knew how to tell my if my first husband was right before I got married to him.
Looking back, the aha moment for me is when I spent the entire month prior to my first wedding, asking everyone, ‘how do you know it’s right?’, that’s a very good indication that it’s not.
Share your thoughts on how you knew your spouse was the right one. How do you know when someone is not the right one?

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