It was an eye opener. I have always had the freedom to have faith in God, and share it with others, but not always have I chosen to do so.
As a human being, we all have the ability to lose our way, and I did. I have before, fallen of the wagon, so to speak, regarding my relationship with God.
There are times when I did not go to church for long periods, and did not pray. A bible was nowhere to be found, and I really thought I’d had enough of hearing radio stations playing God’s messages.
I figured, that if things were going this badly in my life, God was definitely not here with me, and that if he was, I would not be feeling this terrible or be struggling this horribly.
So, I exercised my freedom to choose not to keep my faith.
And, as fate would have it, I began to tumble farther and farther down the hole of hardship and troubles, unitl I finally decided that I probably didn’t have much to lose, and maybe should go back and try again---"He had faith in me before; maybe He'd have faith in me again” …and vice versa.
It took a long time, but eventually, I was back on board! And even though I didn’t know if He was on board with me yet, I worked hard to return to my faith and believe that He still loved me and would guide me again.
Then I waited for a sign. And I waited. And I waited. AND I WAITED.
And nothing happened. And I got pretty tired of waiting…
Unfortunately, I have to say…..things actually got worse before they got better...
The bottom just fell out of everything, and I was hopeless. I just couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted it all to stop. I felt that I had lost faith all over again….
And then, as the saying goes… I decided to let go and let God. I gave it all up to God and let go of what I could not do alone. I gave up what I worried about, what I could not understand and what I hated. I gave it all to Him and He took it!
I had an overwhelming feeling of calm that day, and I have ever since.
I know, now, that during my darkest moments of loneliest days, as a little girl, as a struggling teenager, as a hurting wife and then later on as a single divorced mother, He was there.
He was always there. He had faith in me, and it was I who chose not to have faith in Him.
God has blessed my life, in so many ways, with family, health, motherhood and choices. He has blessed me with more than I think I deserve at times, and He continues to bless me.
I am so humble and so grateful.
We have walked several more difficult paths since God and I got back on our path together and I am accepting now, that life will never be without some sort of suffering or sacrifice, and I understand why.
His plan does not include a free ride, or a map of the ride, because all the experiences and events that He and I will be encountering together are going to be happening to me so that I can become what more of the person He created to be, and that the only real free I have in my life is the freedom to choose….and….
I choose Faith.
What are you grateful for this week?
Please exercise your freedom to choose and then please share it with others.