Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Surnames After The Wedding

So he wants me to take his name. 

I will be his wife, so should I blame him? 

I guess I don't but as an independent woman I feel frustrated having to explain myself about not being eager to give up my own surname. 

I love him and  will be completely honored to be his wife, as I would be honored to take his name; that isn’t really the question.

The question is: Do I want it Ala carte? Or do I prefer to hyphenate?

He has a very nice name: Davis.
I  have a very nice name as well: Chapman.

Maybe it’s a man thing. Maybe they feel insulted if you say no.
Or maybe it’s a woman thing; we don’t want to lose our independence and identity.

I took my first husband’s name, and frankly, I did not want to.
At 22, when we were newly engaged, I told him so.

He wasn’t thrilled, and I received some big rant about women's-lib-this-and-women’s-lib-that, followed by some swear words.

I took his name.

And I always regretted it.

I didn’t regret it because I thought the name wasn’t lovely: Gluck. (It’s not really lovely.)
But, I actually regretted it because even after I knew how I felt and said how I felt, I went ahead and changed my name anyways.

Tell me it was because I was young…and not because back then I was a pushover. I certainly didn’t start out as one.

I'd like to think that I did it out of respect. But now looking back, what about some respect for me? And for what I wanted?

I suppose that wasn't important to either of us...

Fast forward 11 years later; I was divorced, with a last name I never wanted, and decided to hang on to it for the kids’ sake. Then finally- I had to shake it….

And so now here I go again, down the aisle of matrimony, and naturally I’m faced with the same question: 

To take his name or not? And if I do, in what form do I do it?

I think Davis is a lovely name.

And no doubt, Amber Davis sounds lovely as well.

Though Amber Chapman is who I am; it’s who I’ve been. It’s who I’ve become.

There are so many different opinions on this name-change business.

This is my second marriage; I changed my name against my own discretion for my first husband, and now my second husband would like me to take his name.

Should I go a la carte or a combination of the two? 

Tell me what you think...

(Chapman, Davis, or Chapman-Davis?)
I will always write by the name Amber J. Chapman- at least he understands that part;)

1 comment:

  1. Reading Yahoo Finance today, came across this article regarding surnames after the wedding(copy/paste into your browser):