Children Have Their Own Opinions...and It Starts Young



Kids can reach their own opinions long before adults interject.

Tonight my son was watching a football game, which is common for him when the NFL is on T.V.

The Steelers/Ravens game was on.

As the camera panned the Pittsburgh stadium, my son paused for a moment, shook his head and said, ‘Look at them with their flags; waving them’.

I was in the hall walking by the living room. I saw the clip of video and knew what he was witnessing; it was a sea of proud Pittsburgh Steelers fans, waving their Terrible Towels.

I knew by his reference of ‘flags’ that he’d probably never noticed the towels before. I was confident that we’d never discussed them before so I was aware that this conversation was about to become an educational moment.

I strongly believe that it’s not a good idea to impose my ideas and opinions on my children until first they establish their own.

If they ask me my feelings or views later, I will tell them, but until then I make it a point to avoid sharing my own views before they reach their own.

So with no emotion and from another room, I made my reply a statement; strictly informational and unbiased.

I told him ‘the ‘flags’ were Terrible Towels and that Pittsburgh fans swing above their heads to cheer the Steelers’.

I was surprised, that even as the sweet, kind and gentle little boy he is, who uses good manners every day and never insults anyone, could display such a distaste for what he was seeing.

I never had to say a word about how I felt about the Terrible Towel. He had his own thoughts. He’d formed his own opinion, and it was quite similar to a true Browns fan.

He went as far as to make a silly laugh and give an eye roll. I didn’t teach him that, I swear!  

I simply educated him on the truth. He was the one who came to his own conclusion.

I might not have been the one who influenced him in his opinion of the Terrible Towel tradition,

but…......I am afraid I will need to have a talk with his older sisters. I have a feeling they may have had a hand in teaching him the eye roll….

Truly,

Amber

  

Ten Lies You’ll Hear Before Pursuing Your Dream

While enjoying this chilly, snowy Saturday indoors, I decided to check out some new
websites.

One was Digg.com, which I did not find to be the right fit for me at this time, and
another was StumbleUpon.com.

Check it out! It's both fun and informative.

Although I am sure, like anything else on the internet, it can have it's addictive qualities.

It's kind of like a slot machine. Press Stumble and wait to see what you get.

Smart though and worthy of your time; the more you tell it what you like

and do not like, the more it caters to you and sends you more, or less, of what you desire.

Try it out and tell me what you think.

If you use StumbleUpon.com already, tell me your favorite features.

See my favorite Stumble for the day:

Ten Lies You’ll Hear Before Pursuing Your Dream

is an article that was found for me today.

Some of the photos came a close second, and the mini video Post-it Note Love deserves and honorable mention.

Enjoy stumbling;)

Truly,

Amber

How to Stay Motivated (Part II)

My last post covered a few of the reasons we don’t stick to our goals and mentioned a few tips on how to stay motivated.

This is part two.

How bad do you want it?

When you say you want something…how bad do you really want it?

Like the saying ‘put your money where your mouth is’… Are you really prepared to do what it takes to get what it is you say you really want? Words are easy to recite but when it comes down to it, the real work is sometimes is pretty hard to do.

I have been walking around saying that I’m going to write a book for...well, years.

I do write. No doubt. Since I have file boxes, jump drives and cd’s full of work I’ve done. I’ve done jobs for friends, worked on business plans and even told everyone I know about my goals of becoming a writer of non-fiction and self-help books for… well, years….

I have also been the writer of a Sunday newspaper column and well, still no book.

But I do want to be a published writer of non-fiction and self-help. I do!

Or do I??

Because let’s face it, those who say they want something and those that actually do what it takes to get it, are two very different people.

I have been inconsistent and I have not yet put in the blood, sweat and tears that it requires to be a published writer of books. I have not worked day and night on a book and submitted my proposal to numerous editors and/or publishers, to have it ripped apart and sent back to me to be redone. I have not stayed up, all night and day, pouring my everything into my goal. I just haven’t. And I know that.

You might wonder why I would say this about myself. Um, maybe because it’s true.

I have only recently begun to blog, though blogging has been around for at least 16 years. Why have I waited until this past October?

I don’t know.

I know what the Writer’s Market is. I’ve owned a few, and in my last one I researched and mapped out where my writing would fit in and be best suitable to market. So, why haven’t I done something with it?

I don’t know.

(Wow, I’m starting to sound like my kids…lol)

The fact of the matter is, I can say I want something all I like, and unless I am really dedicated to doing the work involved I don’t really want it, do I?

There is a philosophy that explains that we give our attention and time to those things that matter to us. Is this true?

Maybe. Because at the end of the day, if we truly had put every ounce of effort into our goal, if we had exhausted every avenue of possibility, we’d be AT our goal….or at least we’d be flopping on our face trying to reach our goal.

If not, than clearly we don’t want it bad enough.

Being motivated and staying motivated is a mix of things working together.

1.       It’s the desire (the why)

2.       It’s the know-how (the plan, the experience or the resources that will get you there)

3.       It’s the persistence (and knowing how to be self motivated and holding yourself accountable when no one’s looking)

4.       It’s surrounding yourself with the right people (people who believe in you/support you  and who will push you back towards your goals if you start going the wrong way, those people are your friends and they care)

5.       It’s not being afraid (of the work OR the success)

Staying motivated is a daily, sometimes hourly routine. And most of it is not what you say, but what you do.

Our minds are so incredibly smart. Most times we don’t need anyone to tell us what to do to reach our goals, we already know.

We say we want it….

But do we REALLY WANT IT!?

Sit and think for a minute about some things you have been saying you are going to do, or that you are ‘trying’ to do? Are you trying, or do you just appear to be trying.

Make a list of the things you actually do that help you towards your goal as well as the things you spend your time on that don’t help.

Guaranteed you will see a large contrast between the two lists and you will be amazed at how little time you actually spend on the work it will take you to reach your goal….

Most times we know what needs to be done, we just aren’t doing it.

After this post, I see  I have a lot of work to do……

‘When your desires are strong enough, you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve’

                                                                                              -Napoleon Hill

Truly,

Amber

How to Stay Motivated (Part I)

365 days is a long time.

A life-time is even longer.

So how do we stay motivated?

Many of us understandably need a nudge to get started. Other’s need a push.

New Years gives many of us an obvious jumping off point and that’s great. So with several good intentions we are off and running! We know what to do and we are ready to do it!!

So why don’t we keep going?

Well, one reason could be we don’t enjoy what we are doing. Doing the stuff that’s good for us isn’t always fun. And likewise, if something doesn’t come naturally we feel like its drudgery. We just can’t bare another moment of it.

Another reason is, when it will inevitably take months of hard work before we start seeing results on something, it’s discouraging and can be a major challenge to stay positive and keep doing the work without the payoff.

We may start to think that the goal was a meaningless one. Or we might tell ourselves negative things like, ‘Ah, you’ll never make it. This is too hard.’ it’s a quick downward spiral from there and it’s quite hard to start the climb again when you’ve seen how far you’ve fallen.

We all know what happens next.

When we start sliding backwards….we eventually quit.

So, here are a few tips to help you start strong and hopefully stay motivated:

·         Know why you are making the goal (put up visuals to remind yourself of the big reward)

·         Reward yourself periodically

·         Don’t allow other people, or things, to distract you

·         Get a partner or support person to help you stay positive (doesn’t have to be your resolution buddy, but someone else who is supportive and knows your why)

·         Don’t make excuses why not to do the work (our minds are not on our goals side sometimes) Our mind can help or hinder us and you are in control of which it does

Have faith. The hard work will pay off!  Sticking with something is mostly a matter of habit. They say creating a new habit takes about 21 days. So keep on going!

Truly,

Amber

 

 

 

Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.- Jim Rohn

Look on the Bright Side

The other day I had a nail in my tire. Unfortunately when it was removed it made the tire go flat. I drove on a donut for a day until it could get fixed. I wasn't happy but was relieved that the tire could be repaired.

When my co-worker today asked how my tire was I told her. We both agreed I was lucky the nail wasn't in the sidewall of the tire, which would make the tire unrepairable. She then shared her experience with

buying four new tires and the very next day getting out of her vehicle and hearing hissing. She had a hole in one of her brand new tires. It disappointed her that she needed to purchase a new tire since hers was unrepairable. She'd just gotten them.

My thoughts of her situation were slightly different. I thought it'd be more of a disappointment to have to change that one tire after you've used them a few thousand miles, since then one new tire and your three old tires would end up wearing differently and it create a change in how the car rides on the pavement, then all the tires would no longer be ready to be replaced at the same time.

She seemed to like that perspective.

I guess that's all our view of experiences are; perspectives.

As children, we're always told to 'look on the bright side'.

That's the foundation for positive thinking;  shifting the angle at which you look at something.

It's not always the easiest thing to do. Changing our perspective takes practice. But when used, it's actually fun. I am not always super positive, I do have my moments but I know that there is a positive spin we can put on almost everything that happens to us.

I find that the most difficult time to do this is when you don't get something you want right away.

At that moment it feels awful that things aren't working out your way. But, having a patient attitude and relaxing, not stressing on the situation, can help.

Try, tomorrow, try to put a positive twist on each thing you view as negative. When I'm really, really in the middle of multiple negative issues, I try hard to think about other ways to view the events. See how many of the uneventful or inconvenient turn out to be perfect.

'I've got a different perspective now because I'm on the outside looking in.'- Charles Davis

Truly,

Amber

Oh Boy Browns....

Hang in there....what doesn't kill us will make us stronger.
....and good luck to Eric Mangini and his family.

Truly,

Amber

Taking the Plunge Again

I’m getting married in ten months and it’s not my first time.

I was married in 1995 and stayed married for ten years.

I worked hard on my marriage and resorted to divorce only after I felt I’d exhausted every avenue of repairing my relationship. And as I was asked in the court room that day, ‘is this marriage broken down without the possibility of repair’; I answered yes, it had. I was done and clearly he’d been done for a while.

I had broken dreams and my life was upside down. But I knew that I was an amazing mother and person, and that whatever problems I had, I could fix, and whatever problems he had, I would never be able to fix.

Divorce leaves a person broken and jaded. It’s a tumultuous event and it uproots all that you are and all that you know.  But, in some severe cases, it’s necessary.

I walked away certain that I never wanted to get married again.

As I moved farther along past the divorce, I realized that getting remarried was probably something I would like to do again but I didn’t know when I’d be ready.

To actually get married a second time, I had to be absolutely, positively  sure that it was the right thing. Especially, since I have three children.

I am sure that this marriage is the right thing and I only wish I knew how to tell my if my first husband was right before I got married to him.

Looking back, the aha moment for me is when I spent the entire month prior to my first wedding, asking everyone, ‘how do you know it’s right?’, that’s a very good indication that it’s not.

Share your thoughts on how you knew your spouse was the right one. How do you know when someone is not the right one?

Truly,
Amber

Be Positive in 2011

Prior to the start of a new year, many of us feel the burden that comes with it… You know the one.

New Year’s resolutions.  

What should be a celebration, New Years tends to be another holiday with a price tag…one called guilt.

As the high of Thanksgiving and Christmas comes to an abrupt end, we suddenly feel forced to review the ugly list of things we shouldn’t do anymore. Those things we should fix, or the list of stuff we need to change. YUCK!! Who wants that to look forward to that!!!???

While 2010 did seem to be one of my most difficult years to get through because I was challenged on such a deep personal and professional level, and was not always at my best, I’m determined not to beat myself up over it. In the end, it all worked out. I acknowledged a need to make adjustments and made them. Overall, it was my positive actions that helped me make the changes.

Don’t take this the wrong way; we all need to grow and change. And, as many of you know, I am one of the biggest self-help junkies, but as humans, sometimes the brain likes to focus too much on the bad, and we actually need to focus more on the good, because isn’t that what we want more of? It’s so easy to nag ourselves about what we’ve done wrong. We can be so quick to blame ourselves and tear ourselves down, creating a list of bad things about the past year.

If you’re like me, and you make the ‘notorious’ list every January 1^st, and by February 1^st begin losing momentum because you just can’t keep up, don’t stress.  You can quit smoking, start dieting, and find more faith any day of the year. You have the power and the freedom to change yourself and your life, anytime. And if you must write a list, make it a small one and call it goals. Then tuck it away for another day.

 It’s better sometimes to celebrate the good first , then work on improving the bad. It’s like that old saying, ‘pay yourself first’.

This New Year’s, pay yourself first with compliments and positive reinforcement. You are strong and will survive. The bad will take care of itself when you just focus on the good.

This year I am starting 2011 with positive energy, and instead of focusing on what I need to change, what didn’t work and what was wrong with 2010, I want to focus on what I did right and what worked for me!

Because, after all, isn’t it the positive we want more of? Isn’t it the positive that actually helped me through the negative? I believe it is...

Here is  my list of what worked in 2010: (please feel free to share yours with me)

Believing in myself

Trusting

Listening to good advice, Facing my fears and getting an attorney, going to trial for my children (and yes, all in that order)

Having Faith

Praying often

Having an attitude of gratitude

Not over scheduling myself (and yes, that meant saying no when I wanted to say yes)

Having a sense of humor

Camping (despite the rain)

Asking for help

Standing up for what I need

Letting go of what I cannot control

Using more patience

WOW!!  What an amazing list to reflect on! Not only do I feel good about the choices I’ve made, but I can use a lot of these again in 2011!!!

What a great way to begin the new year! With positive thoughts! It can only get better if we focus on what we want more of and the things that are positive!

Make 1/1/11 a day you begin with positive thoughts and energy and let it carry you through the entire year!

Don’t focus on what you haven’t done, don’t  want or don’t have. Just focus on what you did right and what worked J and the rest will all come together.

Now take a few minutes to make your list of changes or accomplishments that you can celebrate, then pat yourself on the back while we welcome 2011!

You will feel much better, I promise.

Happy New Year!

J 

Truly,
Amber

Stay or Go Browns

I’ve been a Cleveland Browns fan for three years and I’m beginning to understand the ‘Maybe next year’ line.

By the time I moved to Cleveland in October of 2007, I’d been a football fan for about a year, but had not yet picked a team to follow.

Being from Connecticut, I could have easily chosen a well-known, and very successful team; the New England Patriots. But since I now considered Ohio my home, it seemed natural to choose the Browns.

I happily cheered for the Browns that first season, as they finished 10-6. I even stood in a blizzard in Buffalo while the Browns upset the Bills with a field goal kick; the silence in that stadium was priceless.

I was on board with my team, thought they weren’t half bad and looked ahead to the next season.

Though, the next season was a letdown and I soon realized the common place mudslinging that goes with poor performance from the Browns. With quarterback controversies and debates about whether Romeo was staying or going, it was a downer to say the very least.

Personally I liked D.A. way better than B.Q. and frankly, I thought that if anyone should go, it ought to be Romeo. But diehard Cleveland fans stood by their man. And finally, when Romeo was told to hit the road, I was overjoyed!

When Eric Mangini came aboard I was excited and relieved. It looked like the Browns were finally getting what they really wanted and needed, a new coach! But to my dismay, I figured out Cleveland is as hard on their coaches, as they are brutal on their quarter backs. Negative gossip about Mangini began his first day on the job and I would soon learn that this type of talk was just what Cleveland did. History would show that coach turnovers in Cleveland were just as plentiful as ball turnovers. No Good.

I had to wonder how the Browns could accomplish anything without consistency or stability?!!

Well, apparently they can’t. Because it seems history is about to repeat itself once again. I have been in Cleveland for three years and the Browns have had two different head coaches in that time, and the buzz is if they don’t win (or at the very least, play well) this Sunday against the Steelers, there may be another new coach on the horizon.

I might not know a whole lot about football, but isn’t this supposed to be a man’s sport? So, why all the drama!? It’s too bad, sports should be fun, not play out like a soap opera.

Let’s look at this logically.

The Browns have made some small steps in the right direction. From what I recall the Browns used to be a second half team. They’d come to the first half, but didn’t really play until the second half. They couldn’t catch the football to save their lives and they had no defense at all! Now the Browns can actually keep possession of the ball for longer, can actually hold off the other team and they can catch balls and run touchdowns from time to time! They’ve made some interesting plays and left experienced, winning, coaches scratching their heads. The Browns are becoming competitive!

Isn’t that progress? Isn’t that what Cleveland asked for? If you ask me, the Browns deserve an award for ‘Most Improved’ and Mangini deserves an award for putting up with the garbage.

Can’t people see, you cannot shine up an old car in a day; it takes months, sometimes years to restore a classic back to its original state. And upon inspection, sometimes the damage is deeper than what meets the eye.

This team has an awful story filled with emotional turmoil  and baggage. We've made some progress but some things haven’t changed.

How about the fact that another one of our coaches is again being fried. I am so tired of hearing about whether Mangini should be ‘allowed’ to stay or go. I wonder, has anybody ever given it a thought, maybe Mangini might not want to stay? Because let me tell you, if I had to work with the world hanging over me, breathing down my neck, threatening my job every day… I’d quit! Who in the world wants to worry that they could be canned any day, no matter if they tried or not? That’s just higher ups bullying for a better outcome. Problem is, it’s not good management and will never get the results Cleveland wants and needs.

What do we expect of our coach if we badger him after every game? Give the guy a break and let him do his job. No, the Browns aren’t on a winning streak, but they can’t be expected to. What, after just two seasons Mangini should have the Brown’s doing a complete 180? It’s just not possible.

Even at the hands of Bill Belichick, the Browns were no stars. The record shows that this is how the Browns play. They're like a roller coaster; up and down and unpredicatable, both on the field and in the front office. If we want to see major improvements than what we need is time.

My feelings?

Since it seems that the owners are obviously the biggest finger pointers here, using their trigger finger to fire coaches every few years, they might want to take notice, as they do this, there’s always three fingers pointing back at themselves.

If the Browns fire Mangini after just two seasons they will be repeating history and I think the saying goes like this: Keep doing what you’ve always done, keep getting what you’ve always got.

My advice?

If the Browns are truly unhappy with Mangini as a coach, next time they should be more selective next time because desperate is as desperate does. Additionally, they might want to instill some belief in their coach for once, rather than doubt. It’s not real good for moral.

But, what do I know…I’m just a fan.

“One thing that could be a problem is breaking old habits. It’s not that you don’t understand what the new responsibilities or plays are, but just the fact that you’ve been doing something a long time and you’re kind o fused to doing it, it’s a habit, and that’s not what’s required in the other system and that means kind of undoing something before you can even start to do something new.”-A quote by Bill Belichick

Truly,

Amber

7 (Borrowed) Steps to Being Accountable for Your Life

Several of my friends are independent business women. They work hard at building their own businesses and they are consistently active in personal growth. I admire them and appreciate when they share with me things they're learning.

About a year ago, I received this list from one of them and I would like to share it with you.

The list has no title but 'You' are the main idea in each numbered point.

Read it and see what you think.

I suggest reading it out loud.

1. The Buck Stops Here

            I accept responsibility for my past

            I control my thoughts-I control my emotions

            I am responsible for my success

2. I Will Seek Wisdom
            I will become a humble servant to others
            I will look to open the door for someone

            I will listen to the counsel of wise men

            I will choose my friends with care

3.  I am a Person of Action

            I inspire others with my activity

            I am a leader-leading is doing-I must move forward

4.  I Have a Decided Heart

            I do not procrastinate. All my problems become smaller when I confront them

            I will not wait.
            I am passionate about my vision for the future
            My course has been charted. My destiny is assured.

5.  Today I Will Choose to Be Happy-I am the Possessor of a Grateful Spirit
            I will smile at every person I meet
            My smile has become my calling card
            My smile is the key to my emotional makeup
            I will greet each day with laughter

6.  I will Greet This Day with a Forgiving Spirit
            I have forgiven myself
            By forgiving myself, I ease the doubts, fears and frustration that have kept my past in the present
            From this day forward, my history will cease to control my destiny
            My life has just begun
            I will forgive those who criticizes me unjustly

7.  I Will Persist with Expectation
            I have faith in my future
            I do not look left or right, I look forward
            I can only persist
            Faith has no limits


Sometimes we have to look in the mirror for the answer.

            I will expect miracle in my life

            I focus on results

At times, we are where we are,
because we want to be- author unknown


Amber



More than Love

I went to the library a couple of weeks ago for some encouragement and insight on relationships.

I picked out an audio book called Rescue Your Love Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

I have to admit, at first I felt like seemed too severe. I knew that my significant other and I had things we needed to work on, but were we really in that much trouble?

Both of us are from divorced parents, and both of us are divorced as well, so we have some baggage and try often to work things out together as best as possible. We usually do okay, but I felt like we needed something else.

I noticed the subtitle:  Change Those Dumb Attitudes & Behaviors That Will Sink Your Marriage.

I was a bit embarrassed to check this out, wondering if my relationship really needed to be rescued from sinking. And if it did, why in the world were we even together?

The  audio book was clearly meant for the married couple, but I got it anyhow, hoping it would have something amazing to teach us.

 We are not married, but we are living together raising my three children. We are in this for the long haul, so we really needed some insight into how we could be in love more often, and learn how to communicate better.

We listened to the cd’s separately while still having problems, and it didn’t seem to change things.

Then I took my significant other’s advice and we listened to them together on our extended car ride this weekend.  

It was a great idea! We learned a lot and had many opportunities to talk about what we were listening to and how it related to us and the issues in our own relationship.

We learned in many situations it’s as simple as dumb thinking which can totally ruin the chance to grow as a couple, and rob us of moments of understanding more about each other. And we were relieved to realize that a lot of what we are experiencing is not only normal for most couples at this stage, but it is also an important part of the next step of growing in love. Wow! We also didn’t realize that it’s okay to go through this time and that, if handled with care, it will actually take us to the next level of our relationship and build a stronger love.

At the end of most segments on the cd’s they had something called ‘Check it out’. They’re examples of ‘if the shoe was on the other foot’ situations and how would we feel if it were us? It shared other people’s stories and the solutions, as well as related bible verses.

I’m so glad we got the audio book even though the title seemed too serious and was actually meant for married couples. In listening to these, we learned so much and sooner than later!

We are also reading I Promise by Dr. Gary Smalley, and it too explains that these difficult stages are the crucial moments of the two of us to be real with each other and grow closer as we work on our differences and use them to compliment our life together.

Married or not- at this point, we care deeply about our relationship as many married and unmarried couples do.

We are deepening our love relationship already, just by changing our thinking.

I shouldn’t be surprised, since isn’t that where fixing things begins?  With ourselves?

While listening to these cd’s  we were in awe of how much of this seemed like common sense and seemed so easy to do, but until pointed out, we never considered. The Love of My Life put it like this: these books help us see and understand minor problems and differences in thinking that would severely affect  an otherwise good relationship.

Between this set of cds and the book I promise by, we are realizing that we are at a wonderful stage. We are seeing each other for who we are. We’ve learned that this is a great place for us to be right now. They say that we will bring out the worst in each other and that it’s okay and actually healthy at this point. And that we need to work these things out and go through it , and as long as we are open, communicative, loving and fair when disagreeing and listening, we are and will be okay.

And we are okay, we are better now than we were  in the very beginning of our relationship! And we have actually had many strides we’ve made along the way that we accomplished on our own, and that we can be proud of. Now we are looking forward to many more with the tips in these books.

In the end, I learned that it was more about me that needed fixing than with him, and he learned there was more for him to work on than me. ;) Basically we learned a lot about the amount of control we had on each other, none.

As for our relationship, our goal is to have a strong bond over the long term, and realize how much work the relationship requires. Because even when you have as much in common and as much love as we do, we are human, we are not perfect and need a hand sometimes.

We found so much understanding of what we are going through to be a normal phase of a relationship which will go long term if we omit our stinking thinking, work a little harder to listen to each other more and give, give give.

And at the end of the day, we loved the fact that we can look at each other and know, without a doubt, that we are both committed to do whatever it takes to meet half way and work together to better our relationship, no matter what it takes.

And to confirm the common myth about relationships:

You need way more than just love, you need a lot of elbow grease;)

How Teachable Are You?

How do you react when somebody tries to show you a different way of doing something?

Do you take a step back and become guarded, or do you lean in and say, ‘tell me more’?

Are you open minded to others ideas and suggestions… or are you stubborn?  

Can you honestly turn to others for help with a problem? Or do you deny that anyone else could know more? Do you resist the possibility of someone else doing something better than you? 

Whether we realize it or not, our level of open mindedness (or,  what I call teachablility) will determine how much we grow. It can even improve or hinder how much we accomplish.

Here is a wonderful example. My significant other taught me how to write a book.

I’ve wanted to write books for years, and one time while we were talking, I expressed how frustrated I was about not getting the book put together. I told him how I have so many ideas and I write them all down, but somehow I can’t ever get all of the information in the same place at once and can’t seem to put it into book form.

As he sat and listened to my frustrations I wondered if he would be able to help. I doubted his ability to relate. He has not written a book, he doesn’t even write, and as a matter of fact, he rarely ever reads non-fiction.  But I listened to him and he shocked me. He actually had several solutions and strategies to help me get started writing that book.

Even though I didn’t think that he would have the slightest idea about how to approach book writing, he surprised me because of the skills he possessed as a person were actually quite relevant to the issue. Within hours I had a plan and some new ideas to try. They worked, and I felt better and more able to reach the goals that I had in mind. I was so grateful that he had shared. (And that I listened.)

Another example is, just tonight, my daughter taught me a trick for rice krispie treats. She showed me how she uses wet hands to smooth the treats into the pan. I’d never done that before. She learned it at school. I thought my way worked fine.  I used a greased spatula and it never failed me.

But, I was excited to learn a new way, because actually, rice krispie treats do sometimes get stuck to the spatula, and it is a pain to get off, then the spatula always bends and I’m afraid it will break.

I know that sometimes we feel like we are the master of our world. We might even occasionally believe we have the experience and the know how to solve all of our own problems. It’s not true. Not nearly. Not one person can do it all or solve it all. That is why there are support groups, master mind groups, books, and teams of researchers, doctors and scientists that work together creating solutions.

There isn’t one person who can do it all on his own. I believe the sooner we come to terms with that the better.

I remember when I finally figured this out. I was recently divorced and had three children at home under the age of eight. I’d always done fairly well at taking care of our household and managing life in general.

I realized during this time, that I could not do it all on my own. I might have been strong, but I certainly was not Super Woman, nor did I have the knowledge to figure it all out myself.

It is a liberating feeling when you can admit this to yourself and let go of control. It is actually easier to live and grow.

I have to say, that sometimes, I still want to think I have it under control and know it all....

Last week, I was part of a narrative performance at church. On our first night of practice on stage I choked. Yep. I froze.

Who would’ve thought that I, Amber Chapman, socialite, complete opposite of shy, previous leader and demonstrator for Partylite Gifts, volunteer teacher for fifth and sixth graders at church, froze! I couldn’t remember my lines, got scared and actually needed cuing by the drama director! OUCH.

That was a humbling and humiliating moment.

I got some advice from several caring people, and at first I was certain some of the ideas weren’t going to help.

Understandably, I was upset with myself. I’d spoken in front of 100+ people before. What happened to me up there?

It didn’t matter what happened. It mattered that, with two days left until the real performance, I get it fixed.  I was the only one who had such a flaw during practice and I needed to realize, that no matter what I thought I could do, this apparently wasn’t something that was going to come easy to me.

I had to be open minded and listen. You know what? I received a piece of advice that proved to be one of the most valuable, and not only did that person share what worked, they shared the exact same experience of thinking that they had a previous perfromance under control, when the same thing happened to them, they flopped.

Two days later the performance went off without a hitch and I was cured of stage fright!

Every person has their own list of experiences that no other person could ever know about. We must realize when we get advice or suggestions, it’s usually from someone who cares enough about us to  share.

And you can trust that they have your best interest at heart.

Don’t ever ignore someone’s help because of who they are, where you think they come from or what you think they don’t know, or WORSE, because you are stubborn, humiliated or frustrated. What they have to share just might surprise you and help you more than you expected.

Respect the time and effort someone is putting in trying to help you, because if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t waste their breath;)

"To accept good advice is but to increase one's own ability"- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Amber

And like Jim Tressel explained in The Winners Manual and Randy Pausch said in The Last Last Lecture: When People stop trying to help you and give you advice and guidance, is when you need to worry.

Opportunity

What is opportunity?

Is it a matter of luck, or do we create it ourselves?

I think opportunity is being open for possibilities. I believe it’s setting yourself up for good things to happen.  I believe that when you make room in your life for the things that you desire, and you practice what you want to do, even before it happens, you will be creating the life and space to welcome even the smallest dreams to come true.

I found my first passion in the fifth grade. It was writing. Then, in 1997, I found my next passion;  parenting.

Then, I wrote on and off from 2001 to 2006, and for those six years I always had dreams of becoming a non-fiction writer and public speaker, but I never did anything about it. I hadn’t done a single thing with my dreams, except file them.

In 2005, I was sad that I never tried to do anything with my ideas. And so I began to write more often and with purpose.

Then in 2007, because I’d been focusing on writing and my goals, I had built up experience and a strong belief in myself. I decided to approach a local newspaper in my home state of Connecticut, and proposed that I write a column based on the trials, tribulations and lessons learned as a divorced mother of three. It would run weekly, I would be a paid writer for the paper, and my column would be complete with email communication between myself and the public. Born was: Life Goes On.

It was a successful column which drew readers from all areas, ages and genders. At the end of Life Goes On, I walked away feeling blessed for the opportunity, and then dreamt again of one day writing for the public.

This time, I did not let go of my dream.

For the last three years I’ve been practicing my craft. I’ve been reading and writing and attending the local writer’s conference. I’ve been researching publications I would like to submit my work to.

I’m keeping my passion alive and I’m always thinking about ways to create opportunities for myself.

In October of this year, I began my Yellow Inspiration blog. Since I started it, I have been dreaming of doing more. I now dream of creating a parenting website and asking others to join hands and hearts to help me do it.

So, it seemed ironic that a couple of weeks ago, while I was reading the paper I noticed an opportunity staring me square in the face.

I seized the moment, wrote an email, hit send, and by Monday, I’d received a positive reply.

Last Thursday was a busy day. At 7:00 I was headed to a networking meeting forty-five minutes away, then back to work where I had a very full day. Later on I had kids to pick up, at different places and at different times, then in the evening we had to go to practice for a church performance. Somewhere in between all those I squeezed in a meeting with the local newspaper to discuss my parenting blog….

…would the opportunity have been there if I hadn’t been looking? What if I didn't believie in my dream? What if I wasn't ready for it or didn't make time?

I started my Yellow Inspiration blog because I knew I needed to give myself the opportunity to learn to blog before I actually needed to know how….low and behold it paid off.

Hang on to your dreams, believe in yourself, and be ready to receive the things you’re seeking.  Set yourself up so that  an open door doesn’t turn into a missed opportunity.

To improve the golden moment of opportunity, and catch the good that is within our reach, is the great art of life.

- Samuel Johnson

 Amber

Pay attention...you don't want to miss it!