How many times have you been in a particular situation and asked a friend for some advice?
How often have you actually taken the advice?
Why is it that we could be brave enough to ask for help, but when given a wise word, promptly ignore it and do what we want anyways?
Turn the table and now your friend comes to
you for guidance...
It seems so simple to assess their problem and advise them what to do.
Of course I realize that when we aren't emotionally involved it's easy for us to dissect the problem and figure out the next step. We don't have to worry about the consequences or the hard work involved.
Though I think it is also quite easy for us because we can see the situation from the outside of the persons life; making our choice based upon just the issue at hand not the rest of the puzzle.
With that being said, notice how we cannot do that for ourselves?
When our own emotions are involved they say it's too close to home for us to look at things objectively.
I have many friends and not all of them ask for my opinions and/or advice. The ones who do grow at great rates! Those who don't I imagine it's because I do not beat around the bush and I refuse to sugarcoat.
I look at it this way, if I tell my friends what they want to hear I am doing them a disservice.
A friend should not shelter you, they should be curt, frank and on occasion, painfully honest with you because that is what you really need to hear and it's what's best for you.
If you have friends who tell you what you want to hear than:
A) You are robbing yourself of great change and rewards and...
B) Your friend is not as good a friend as they could be
In high school I remember listening for hours to friends with problems. At their request I would really, truly, pay attention to what they were saying. I would understand what was bothering them, I would ask a few questions about how they felt about the situation they were facing and where they wanted to be...then I'd offer them my personal opinion...
How discouraged I would be to see them stay on the path that they were struggling with...even though I gave them the keys to get out of it.
I kept thinking, 'If they trust me enough to ask for my advice, than wouldn't they follow it?'
We do the same thing to ourselves sometimes, we ignore the signs that guide us and tell us what to do next. We deny that changes need to be made.
And Lord help us when somebody says something we don't want to hear. We retreat and/or rebel.
If you are at that type of place with a friend, and you don't particularly like their advice, next time that you are in a pickle and have to make a decision which seems difficult, ask yourself what advice you'd give your them.
Don't sugar coat it and don't be afraid to offend or insult. Sometimes we need it straight because we aren't seeing things clearly.
And the next time your pal tells you something you don't particularly want to hear, don't get angry and pull away...they are only trying to help you...
Just relax and take your own advice.
Truly,
Amber
-
Randy Pausch
'Get a feedback loop and listen to it... When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it.'- Randy Pausch
Truly,
