Give Thanks, Part II

It’s my goal this week to write a blog a day about what I am thankful for. I have labeled each one in parts. I hope that you will join me every day in appreciating life’s many blessings.

Yesterday, I said I was grateful for the freedom to choose to have faith in God and the freedom to share it with family and friends.

Today is part II of Give Thanks, and I think you’ll like it ;)

Every person has that someone that has changed their lives. Someone that, without them, the world would make absolutely no sense what-so-ever. Someone who has changed their way of thinking, their point of views and their purpose.

I am blessed enough to have three of these.

They are my children.

Before them, it was all about me; my space, my clothes, my food, my time and my actions, which had no bearing on anyone but me.

There are certain things you learn  as a mother, sometimes sooner than if you are not a mom. Like new insights, a deeper empathy for others and a sense of priority and an overwhelming sense of selflessness (and yes, that is a word), some moms would call this guilt, ;) lol.

Besides my children, I would like to share some other things that I am grateful for (that I learned from my children) Some might seem random but I assure you, they are not.  And some might be so right on that you may sit in your chair and nod your head as you read.

Either way, join me in Giving Thanks to the three biggest blessings life could have handed me, as well as some of the lessons that came with… and that I could never do without…

1.       Fragile: Handle with Care

2.       Listen, and don’t speak

3.       Hug, A LOT!

4.       Say you’re sorry

5.       Laugh at your mistakes

6.       Be spontaneous

7.       Doing nothing can be a good thing

8.       It’s okay to dress down for Holiday Pictures (and they might even come out better because everyone is really comfy;)

9.       Always travel with: tissues, a sweater, a map, snacks and a book

10.   Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should

11.   Decorate for the Holidays, A LOT!

12.   No one will die if we don’t serve a vegetable with dinner

13.   Have Fun!

Here are thirteen lessons that I have learned from my children.  There’s more, believe me, but this is a great little list to share with you for today.

I give thanks that my life has been blessed with their gifts, their giggles and their teachings ;) I admire them. They are strong, bright and have happy, loving attitudes.

Life would never be the same without them. I would never be the same had they never come into my life.

Who in your life has made a significant impact on you and the way you live and think?

Whether they are still with you or not, give thanks that you have or had them at one time or another, and that they grace or graced your presence with their love and their lessons; they deserve a thank you.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go away...
Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts...
And we are never, ever the same..."
-- Unknown

2 of these pix were taken at Lake Metro Farm Parks on Tatum's Birthday this year, and the girls were photographed at a park in Willowick this summer.

Thank you, Taylor, Tatum & Justice, you are my sunshine. I never knew I could love another, like I love you.

And I never imagined that someone could change my life like you have.

Love,

Momma

Give Thanks, Part I

Last week, at church rehearsal, we prayed just prior to starting practice for an upcoming Christmas performance. The person leading the group said that he was thankful for the freedom to pray openly, at church and at home. Pointing out that as U.S. citizens, we are afforded the freedom to express our faith openly.

It was an eye opener. I have always had the freedom to have faith in God, and share it with others, but not always have I chosen to do so.

As a human being, we all have the ability to lose our way, and I did. I have before, fallen of the wagon, so to speak, regarding my relationship with God.

There are times when I did not go to church for long periods, and did not pray. A bible was nowhere to be found, and I really thought I’d had enough of hearing radio stations playing God’s messages.

I figured, that if things were going this badly in my life, God was definitely not here with me, and that if he was, I would not be feeling this terrible or be struggling this horribly.

So, I exercised my freedom to choose not to keep my faith.

Time passed.

And, as fate would have it, I began to tumble farther and farther down the hole of hardship and troubles, unitl I finally decided that I probably didn’t have much to lose, and maybe should go back and try again---"He had faith in me before; maybe He'd have faith in me again” …and vice versa.

It took a long time, but eventually, I was back on board! And even though I didn’t know if He was on board with me yet, I worked hard to return to my faith and believe that He still loved me and would guide me again.

Then I waited for a sign. And I waited.  And I waited.   AND I WAITED.
And nothing happened. And I got pretty tired of waiting…
Unfortunately, I have to say…..things actually got worse before they got better...

The bottom just fell out of everything, and I was hopeless. I just couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted it all to stop. I felt that I had lost faith all over again….

And then, as the saying goes… I decided to let go and let God. I gave it all up to God and let go of what I could not do alone. I gave up what I worried about, what I could not understand and what I hated. I gave it all to Him and He took it!

I had an overwhelming feeling of calm that day, and I have ever since.


I know, now, that during my darkest moments of loneliest days, as a little girl, as a struggling teenager, as a hurting wife and then later on as a single divorced mother, He was there.
He was always there. He had faith in me, and it was I who chose not to have faith in Him.

God has blessed my life, in so many ways, with family, health, motherhood and choices. He has blessed me with more than I think I deserve at times, and He continues to bless me.

I am so humble and so grateful.

We have walked several more difficult paths since God and I got back on our path together and I am accepting now, that life will never be without some sort of suffering or sacrifice, and I understand why.

His plan does not include a free ride, or a map of the ride, because all the experiences and events that He and I will be encountering together are going to be happening to me so that I can become what more of the person He created to be, and that the only real free I have in my life is the freedom to choose….and….

 I choose Faith.

What are you grateful for this week?

Please exercise your freedom to choose and then please share it with others.

Thank you.

Amber

Your Opinion Matters

I have my own opinion about my blog and my writing, but now I want yours.

I want to know what you think because you are the one reading Yellow Inspiration. This is your opportunity to put in your two cents.

There is a survey on the bottom of this blog, please take it, don’t be shy. And don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I won’t take it personally.

I have asked some friends what they think of Yellow Inspiration and they have been very kind with their words. I am so glad that they like to read my blog, but I wonder if they are being totally honest. Sometimes it’s not the entire truth we offer, because we are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings.

No need to worry. I completely beleive that constructive criticism is the best mirror we have, the best gauge of ourselves. Those people that truly care about us will tell us what they see. Not what they think we want to hear.

So go ahead; say what you think, and then some. And add in what you are interested in reading about. (Just don’t get on me too badly about my typos ;)  I know they are there and I try to get them all, but sometimes, late at night, when the Internet is slow and I am ready for bed, I miss them. Working on it..;)

Please let me know how often you read, why you read, and what makes you come back. This will help me a lot. This is my first blog and frankly I didn’t know how I should start it, so I just jumped in. I am excited by it so far, but I always feel like I can improve, so let me know what you think!

I will be traveling this weekend and may not get to post a blog every day…so I am counting on you to do this survey in the mean time. When I get back I can read it, and respond to it on Monday . J

If you have anything additional to add, please send it to me at: AmberInspiration@Gmail.com

                                                                        thank you

Amber

Freedom of Expression Through Art

What is art?

My opinion:  Art is self expression of the soul, a form of you.

Anything that you create with your hands, or your imagination, is a part of your deepest self. Being active in an art project or craft can unlock your deepest and most creative spirit. Art speaks to your deepest child. And sometimes that’s what we need… is to play.

Can you remember your favorite activities as a kid? They probably had to do with building or creating something. In schools now a days, we struggle to fund art programs, and I feel very sad about that and think we need to support keeping art in school  because art is a wonderful way to express your individuality and do it freely. Art lifts us up, encourages us, challenges us and frees our soul, and in some areas it is even used as therapy.

Cooking, ceramics, photography, calligraphy, designing, furniture making, woodworking, sewing, upholstering, cross stitching, metal works, automobile restoration, auto painting, candle making, face painting, scrapbooking, writing, doing murals, wine making, glass blowing, painting, jewelry making, flower arranging, card making, quilting, inventing, hairdressing, software designing, writing or playing music, etc.…the list goes on and on of all the kinds of arts forms there are.

Have you ever just sat and admired someone who is doing an art or craft? It is an amazing thing to see that person so submersed in what they are doing.  They are in their element. They are inside of themselves.

I’ve met many people who have left regular 9-5 jobs to do their art. Some have made money at it and some have not. Most, if asked, would do it for free anyways, because they love it so much and they consider it their passion.

Take a few minutes to look around you and to notice someone’s art. It’s all around us. It’s clothing, buildings, cars, staircases, furniture, fabrics, business cards, websites and more. When we travel or seek entertainment, it is hotels, golf courses, restaurants, movies, and more.  Each and every item that has been designed has been designed by an artist or a team of artists. They each have a special gift which is in their craft.

Not all of us have to turn out to be professional artists, but we should at least try one new art form or craft a year.

What lost art would you like to revisit from childhood, or what new type of art would you like to try? What would you like to do in your daily life that taps into your creative artistic self? 

Take a class. Be like a child for a moment. Play. No one should grow and become an adult and forget about playing… Imagine being free to create something with your hands and your imagination…no limitations, no rules.

Here is a ceramic project I did about 7 years ago. It is far from being an A+ , but I made it myself, I did my best and I love it. I picked out the shape, color and writing on it. I keep it on my dresser as a jewelry tray. It’s one of my symbols; to remind me of all the years that wanted Happiness in my life. I had Happiness all along regardless of my situations or what was going on around me…Happiness didn’t go anywhere.

I just have to keep practicing it;)

                                                                              Amber

                        



Blessings

In lieu of Thanksgiving next week I thought I might share something  that I learned a couple of years ago.

I was taught this great daily exercise that maybe some of you have heard of before. You might even do it already.

The person teaching it to me was my boss at the time and a very motivated person who enjoyed motivating others. I respected that and and so I was open to hearing about it, even though it was called BAG.

The BAG exercise was not at all positive sounding. When I thought of bag, I immediately imagined a grocery bag, a tote bag, a bag lady…anything but something awe-inspiring and motivating.

Though once the exercise was explained to me and I understood the concept, as well as each letter’s meaning and purpose, I found it to be EXTREMELY inspiring!

The exercise, which should be done in the morning, to start (and eventually you want to get to twice a day, once before you get going in the morning and once at night before you go to bed, so you are always working on positive thoughts during the day and while you sleep) should be somewhat be executed quickly  and easily, leaving you stress free, relaxed, positive and motivated!

Although, leave it to me to turn it into a complicated two day project. I was taking too long to find the answers to the questions being asked of me. I felt that like I needed to be elaborate, detailed and really reach for something.

Nope.

All I had to do was keep it simple and answer instinctively to each letters meaning:

B.  Which stands for Blessings, which was an easy one. Anything that I was grateful for that day is what I listed.

A. Which stands for Accomplishments, was a step up and took some more thought. Still, not too bad.

G. Oh, boy, we had a problem. I’m not go-to-gal when it comes to making goals..I tend to confuse my goals with my to-do-list. Bad,very badL

It took me a while to work through G. And I had to use pencil for the first week so that I could erase my to-do’s and replace them with real goals. But once I had that part down, I looked forward to using my B.A.G. each day, and it quickly began to work in the way that it was supposed to!

I would love for you to try B.A.G. or,  if you do it already, share with me how you like it.

I wonder if like me, you will find it somewhat difficult at first to find accomplishments and goals.But, I hope that you will find the first letter in the bag, to be the easiest...

B, for Blessings. May it become your endless daily source of positive energy to get you through the really nasty moments of life J

Go ahead, start right now;) Don’t wait till the morning J

What & Who is Yellow Inspiration?

I received a note from someone the other day, who asked me, ‘What is Yellow Inspiration? Is it yours? I appreciated the questions, they motivated me to talk about Yellow Inspiration and who I am.

Yes, Yellow Inspiration is mine and ii is pretty young; only 18 blogs old. Like any other blog, it's basically a place for me to put my thoughts, and a place for people to go and read them.

Although, my desire for Yellow Inspiration is that people who read it, will take time later in their day to think about what they’ve read.

I don’t expect every person, every day, to find what I say interesting. Everybody is different, and we all require different things. Although, I do have one hope, that whatever it is most people are looking for, they find it here.

And what might people be looking for? Maybe they’re looking for a little inspiration and motivation, (who isn’t?).  Maybe they’re just looking for another way to look at a repetitive problem or a dull day. Maybe they are in a slump they can’t get out of and they want some kind of insight or answers. Maybe they just want a laugh. Hopefully, whatever it is, they find it here and it makes them feel better. 

Yellow Inspiration is me working on fulfilling a dream.

When I was in fifth grade, I knew that I wanted to write. I knew it when I won a special certificate for a small book I wrote. I was one of five students who won this particular achievement and we were privileged enough to travel to another school in the community to present and share our books. I was hooked... I wanted to write books and talk in front of people.

As a student in elementary school, my writing skills showed. I forever aced English and never missed an assignment. In middle school, I used my writing skills to boost my grades on a social studies or science assignment by writing essays or reports. I loved writing, it didn’t matter what I needed to write, I just wrote.

When I was a young child, I guess I never did say out loud what I really wanted to do when I grew up, since to this day, my dad cannot remember it. Maybe I thought, at that age, I didn’t know enough of what I wanted. (Today, as a mother with a middle schooler, who's known what she wants to do since fifth grade, I wish I knew then, what I know now...hint hint...Kids really do have a clue ;). And I really knew too...

As I got older, my writing skills in class and at home, advanced. My father took notice of this and bought me a type-writer. It was the best gift I had ever gotten. I loved it and spent tons of time on it. I wrote school papers on it and even pretended to be a writer and an editor! (I wore that type-writer out! Only recently did I get rid of it because it was so hard to part with.)

Soon into high school, my father began to send me towards what he thought I should do in  life, a career in administrative  and business management. While I clearly appreciated the college prep courses and the business management classes...I purposely flunked out of many of the other classes which he decided I should take, like computers and accounting, and instead took art and lit classes.
At age 16, I spent most of my academic class time counseling my friends and spending many study halls writing...My own personal choice of classes did not last long though…Dad said: ‘back to administrative classes’… it's not what I wanted...

So....at 17, I decided to voice some of what I wanted in life. I wanted to go to Interior Design School to become an Interior Designer, but Dad would have none of that, and kept pushing me on the administrative path…

Gone- were the dreams of writing books and designing interiors. And so, it was off to legal secretarial school, I was sent.

Most people who know me, and have known me for years, know where I've come from and they know where I'm going.

My name is Amber Jeanne Chapman (born Amber J.-no middle name-just the initial-another story for another day). I’m not perfect and do have my down moments, as some will contest to. I get frustrated and irritated; I get sad and mad. I am human. And if I didn’t feel these emotions, I would worry. But I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am helpful and true. I have compassion as wide as Lake Erie and  I will listen to you as long as you can talk. I care, and I like to help. I am a devoted mother of three.  I seek to understand others while holding true to myself. I am open minded, compassionate and will stop at nothing to fight what I know in my heart to be right.

I am tenacious, courageous and strong. But I wasn't always, though.

My parents divorced when I was seven and a half. No mother in my life, (because she just didn’t want to be a mom-is her explanation) and not a whole lot explained to me during the divorce. I grew up learning things the hard way. Raised by my dad, who loved and adored his only child at the time, his little girl, he was tough to live with. Lots of rules (which later I appreciated, thanks Dad ;) We moved many times, and I switched schools often. Not a fun start, to say the least.

After a miserable set of teen years, and the mistakes that go with them, I got married at 22, to the man that I thought was my best friend and the love of my life. We were happy together, so I thought and I'd felt that we'd arrived. We were married, we were now grown ups! We would live Happily Ever After.

We were married nearly ten years, had three children together, and we did anything but live happily ever after.

In a state of denial, probably about as long as our marriage, if not longer, I divorced him. At which point, I was a shell, who hated who she was and who she had become, and the only part about me that I liked, or that I knew, was the mother in me.

So, I looked at those babies, ages 10 mos., 4 yrs and 8 years, pulled my self up by my boot straps and got ready to weather yet another storm in my life, but this one, I was about to bring on myself.

There’s way more to this story too, as someday I will share. But the point is, my life hasn’t been that easy. No one knows how I have triumphed. Only those close to me, who’ve known me for many years know where I have come from and where I am trying to go. I’ve learned an enormous amount by the jobs I’ve had, the people I’ve met and the mistakes I’ve made. I've especially grown through being a mother. By this one job, I have been shaped into a completely different person than I would without the challenges that come with being a mother. I’ve had a lot of character building moments (it's more like years, rather than moments) and a multitude of epiphanies on this trip called 'life'. I feel it’s been a very educational ride and so I want to share the lessons that I’ve learned, and those I continue to learn.

I am not wealthy monetarily, nor do I have a bunch of degrees hung on the wall, but I am rich in love and soul and I'm educated in 'life'. I have an exceptional family and I'm blessed with many gifts. I am where I am today because of what happened in the past.

As life went on, I never really forgot my dreams. I still practiced my natural talent with creative interiors, in my rented homes, and then used them on our family house that we built. I inspired many friends and neighbors to 'try a little color on their walls' and think outside of the box when building.

I found ways to keep writing by helping friends and co-workers do their resumes, business letters and business plans. I kept files of personal journals and book ideas, and I wrote as often as possible. I also wrote a newsletter for a group of home schooled Tween group that I started for my daughter and I found ways to listen and support others by helping a local Mom's chapter begin a support group.

Doing the things I loved didn't necessarily mean that i had to get paid for them.

So, where did the name Yellow Inspiration come in? Well, it’s probably no secret, I love yellow and my favorite song is Yellow, by Coldplay. Yellow is a positive, bright and cheerful color. If I was a crayon, I would be yellow.

I find my strength in the sun. Whether it be the sunrise or sunset, it doesn’t matter. The sun is our days end and another days beginning. On some of my most difficult times over the past several years, I would look out at the sunset and draw comfort knowing there was another day on its way, a new day, where I could do it all over again, and do it better.

My goal is to help as many others as I can along the path of life. That’s why Yellow Inspiration was started, and someday, I hope it will grow to something bigger. Because I can always dream bigger!

Please, if you haven’t yet read Randy Pausch’s, The Last Lecture, read it. It’s a small, but poignant book, and will help you see your life as many-fulfilled-dreams already.

As fate may have it:

1. I have been honored in the past to speak publicly on many occassion, in front of 100+ people, while working with a wonderful leader and friend in a company called Partylite.

2. I used to write a weekly column in the Sunday paper, in Connecticut, about my life after divorce (a column that I created myself and was paid for my writings).

3. For the last year and half, I have been working as an administrative assistant for an interior design company. (I wasn’t looking for that specific job, I was merely looking for work.)

  Life has a funny way of working itself out.

If you have any stories or insightful experiences you’d like to share confidentially, have any thoughts you want to express, or have any writing requests, please email me at AmberInspiration@gmail.com

Thank you for reading.

 Amber

Don't try, Just Do it.

                                (Sorry for the absence…I was sick…and it was no fun…Here’s to a healthier week.)

I saw a friend of mine recently and she told me that she was quitting smoking.

Actually, she said that she was trying.

I know that when I used to say I was trying to quit smoking, I never quit, I just tried.

At which point I would smoke less, in hopes to quit. I would not smoke in the car. I would not smoke at work. I would not smoke before work. But, I would smoke after work, all the way up until I went to bed.

Quitting smoking is not easy to do. Nicotine is a strong drug. Each time that I started up again and tried to quit, it would get harder and harder to actually kick the habit.

I’ve tried the gum, and it works if you chew it, and not spit it out because you want a cigarette. Patches work if you want the cleaner air, but don’t mind spending  the money. Because they aren’t cheap . And neither of these erases the real problem; being addicted to nicotine.

I started smoking at age 11. My grandparents smoked. I picked it up there. Then I inevitably met kids who smoked and kept on smoking.

I smoked a pack a day from age 13 until age 20, when my then boyfriend (who became my husband a couple of year later) said, ‘it’s me or the cigarettes’. I ditched the cigarettes cold turkey. I didn’t smoke for 10 years. We were married and had three babies in that time. Smoking never really came to mind. I didn’t want cigarettes, I just wasn’t interested.

Then came my divorce.

I went back to smoking. It was no accident that I started again, it was a decision. I bought them, and I smoked them.  And I knew even before I bought that pack that I would be using cigarettes as crutch during my divorce. Even after ten years of being a non-smoker, I could feel the sensation like it was yesterday, how smoking brought me relief from stress.

I smoked in secret from my kids, on and off for two years.

One day my daughter confronted me about it, I told her yes, I smoked. She was so upset and said, ‘Mommy, after all you told us about cigarettes!!!’ I told her ‘yes, all that I told you is true and that this is something that I did and I intend to stop’. (This did not go over well, as you can imagine.)

Nicotine is an awful habit to kick. Years later, it will still leave an ex-smoker with memories of feel good moments, but the problem is, it can kill you.

If you’re trying to quit, but can’t seem to, than your why may not be great enough. And if the why isn’t big enough, the pleasure you receive from smoking will always outweigh the why. And you will forever try to quit, but never actually quit.

My  trick: is not to try to quit smoking; it’s to quit smoking, cold turkey. The half hearted trys never worked for me. Only when I quit cold turkey, have I succeeded.

Smoking or not smoking is a choice. You must find the reason you want, or need, to quit and you must be ready to quit. Then make the conscious decision not smoke. There is no try. Because try is a set up. It’s a set up to fail.

My method of quitting involved smoking every cigarette in my pack, and as I did, I envisioned the number of cigarettes left matched to the days it would take me to smoke them all. That put me to the day I would essentially quit. I would tell myself at every cigarette and every day, ‘only so-many left, okay, Sunday will be my last day, I will be quitting when I smoke this last cigarette’. Then I envisioned my why (my children of course) and the years that I want with them, and then I told someone that I knew, who  would hold me accountable for quitting. Someone that wanted to quit smoking too and who would not enable me.

I was overjoyed and excited to be quitting. I was no longer going to be controlled by something other than myself. I would now smell nice and clean all day. I would not have bad breath. I would not be up and down on mood swings. I would be adding years to my life and be able to run around with my kids without being winded. All of those things were in my grasp.

Then came the tough part; like the routines when you used to have a cigarette in your hand, being in the presence of others who were smoking, watching a movie where the characters were smoking, and worst of all, those common stressors that brought on the need to smoke to calm down.

By day three or four it seemed difficult and then always much harder on days 6, 7, and 8. That’s when I would slowly become a basket case of emotions.  

Sound tough? It is. Don’t start and you’ll never have to worry about stopping. But, if you are one of the unlucky ones to have taken on smoking, and you are just itching to quit but can’t put them down, believe me, there is no easy way to do it. It requires a lot of hard work, tons of will power and a lot of deep breathing and positive self-talk.

You will have to change the way you think, from ‘I need a cigarette to deal with this’ to ‘I need to deal with this without a cigarette’. Tell yourself that taking a drag of a cigarette is not going to take away the problem but it is slowly taking away your life.

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

One of the most common things that most of us deal with is getting out of bed in the morning. Blach…

Some can just wake up with energy and hop out of bed with pep. Some cannot. And some have no choice, they have built-in alarm clocks called kids or pets. Every day, at about the same time, (barring there hasn’t been a recent time change;),  at their feet, is a big set of eyes, letting them know, ‘it is now time to get up’. For some people, it’s both the kids and the pets, in which case would be several sets of eyes.

For those of us who were not blessed that unexplained a.m. energy, or those lovely gifts of children and animals, they might need some of the well-known tricks and tips to help them get up from their nice warm beds.

Here are a few:

1.       Putting  your alarm across the room in hopes that when it goes off, you will get up…and stay up, rather than hit snooze and go back to sleep.

2.       A fancy alarm with a light on it; when the alarm begins reaching the scheduled time to go off, the light begins to come on, mimicking the sun-rise and waking you naturally. It’s actually very cool and does work.

3.       Put the alarm near the bed, and have a smooth routine of hitting snooze once, maybe twice, and then, be awake enough to start the day.  

4.       A loud obnoxious alarm to motivate you to get up and shut the darn thing off. (Personally, that never worked for me…Honestly all I wanted to do was pick it up and throw it across the room. Not a good way to begin the day.)

Maybe you need the fancy, loud alarm, placed on the dresser across the room, the cat or dog whining, the kids at your bedside staring at you, with the lights on, while someone’s banging at your front door.

That would get me up too.

Years ago, I traded in my alarm clock for my phone. I set it to wake me up to the same song every day. Yellow, by Coldplay. I love that song. It just talks to me. And although it doesn’t always get me rushing out of bed, it does motivate me enough and reminds me that there is a super day waiting for me and I have some many wonderful reasons to leave my nice cozy bed and go out into the world.

No matter how you do it, find some way to make you’re a.m. start off right because it will set the pace for the rest of the day. Ask me how I know…

I'm sorry.

No one’s perfect right? If I screw up, oh well, right? It’s no secret that I make mistakes. So, the sooner I apologize and work on rectifying the situation, the better…I try to teach this to my children, by example. And in the past, I have more than once, admitted being tired and that ‘I didn’t mean to yell’.  I’ve also been known to admit I was wrong when I didn’t let my child finish their sentence before I jumped to a conclusion.

I’m hoping that I’m  teaching them that I’ve acknowledged my wrong-doing, and  they were correct in feeling I was off base, or out of line. During moments like those I end up learning a valuable lesson on how to handle things the next time, while teaching them how to behave and how not to behave.

So, what’s the big deal with making an apology to my significant other?

There shouldn’t be anything wrong with it, but it always seems slightly more difficult to do than apologizing to the kids.

Today was one of those days….

My significant other was doing his best to address something we talked about previously. He was being pro-active, and trying to do the right thing, he was trying to talk to me about something and I basically made him wish he hadn’t.

I was having a rough morning. I hadn’t gotten up when the alarm first went off, my children needed assistance all at the same time, and I was doing a last minute thing for school. I was not happy with the situation.  Nor was I happy with myself.

I was frustrated and I just wanted to be done with what I was doing. I did not want any interruptions, let alone any questions. I had a ton of other things on my mind and I was abrupt. I quickly cut off the conversation. I did not handle it well, to say the least.

I felt awful. I knew, even before he left for work, that I was wrong. I tried to talk to him about it, but without apologizing. I guess I wanted to think that I was right.

After he left I felt even worse. I knew I was wrong and I really hadn’t meant to start the day off that way.

We would now spend all day apart…he would think that he’d been wrong, when all along, he’d been right.

I put on some quiet music and began to think as I went about my morning. I let go of my pride and had the sudden urge to text him, two words: I’m sorry.

To my surprise, he apologized back. He said that he could have handled things better and I said the same. It made me smile. I felt relieved, the weight had been lifted.

Now he could go about his day without the stress and anguish he’d gotten, from being confused. And, although I may have preferred him to go about the morning’s discussion a little differently, the truth was, he did the best he could. He was working hard to communicate. (Something I’ve asked him to improve on.)

I, on the other hand, displayed no patience what-so-ever and ended up messing up a good moment and feeling guilty about it.

So, I learned today, that my patience is best used when I don’t have any ;)

I suppose it’s moments like those that counting to 5, or 10, if need be, would be wise and quite helpful. Even just putting up a hand to ask for a second or two to think and focus. That way, I will refrain from pushing someone away, when all they were trying to do was ‘the right thing’. And…most likely, it would keep me from having to apologize.

Thankfully, my mistake was easily rectified and I was forgiven. It’s not easy to admit your wrong, but it sure is best to not wait too long to make the apology.

We both learned a little something today about our communication habits, we both had a great day at work, and coming home tonight was wonderful. It was as if this morning never happened.

Nobody accomplishes anything by holding on to pride or anger. No one wins when you want to be right.

Be humble and love.

Symbols

I’m listening to an audio book called ‘What Would You Do If You Had No Fear, by Diane Conway. I just started it today. Early into the first c.d. it mentions symbols, and no, not the ones we use when we want to let someone know, via text message, that we’re angry. These are different symbols.

Symbols; like things that remind you of, or represent something. Like a rabbits foot can help someone feel good luck will be with them. 

The book says that there’s really something to using symbols, that works for people. Personally, I agree. During the course of a day, I know I can’t always have my nose in a book,  be in the car listening to a motivational c.d. or reading an inspiring story or blog on the internet, so I use symbols.

I have them on my computer at home and at work. At home, I use a screensaver that says Dream. On my computer at work, I have a side bar where I put pictures of my children and quotes that motivate me, focus me, or keep me positive and talk to my soul.

Around my house I keep an award or two that remind me how hard I worked for a certain promotion in the past.

During my divorce, I wore a small gold disk on a tiny chain around my neck which bore the Chinese symbol for strength. In my bathroom I kept a framed picture of my children, the frame had an Eleanor Roosevelt quote on it, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”. Both were to remind me not to give up.

Once the divorce was finalized, I had a family picture taken of me and my three children. I had it blown up and framed. It was a major turning point in our lives. I see that picture every single day and recall how much courage it took to do what I had to do and how young my children were. It was the end of one life and the beginning of another. I don’t want to forget it, we are who we are today, because of it.

 In my car, I keep a picture of my kids, and on the visor I have a sticker of Super Man that my son gave me. Attached to Super Man is a quote that says “Success is not a destination, it’s a journey”. Super Man helps me remember that I am strong enough to endure anything life throws at me, and the quote reminds me not to stress about things needing to be done to perfection, yesterday..but to relax and enjoy the ride, today.

For the last year, I’ve had taped to the refrigerator, a piece of paper with the date of when I phoned an attorney to seek custody, and the phrase, “This is your lucky day”, which was what the attorney said when she heard that I couldn’t get anyone else to take my case, though she would. Below it, I taped a penny, on heads; my son had found it the next day. Looking at those symbols every day, no matter how ugly things got and how financially burdening they were, helped keep me stay hopeful, and believe that in the end, it would all work out…and that it was all worth it, and all signs were pointing to a victory.

Five years later, my divorce is long over and a promising new life has been in the works. A year later, the custody battle is over and everything worked out perfectly.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I can’t do life without visual reminders of what my intentions are.

I’ve mentioned before, I have a black and white framed photo of ripples of water that were affected by a single drop. That’s my daily visual inspiration of how I want to touch others with the life I’ve lived and the experiences I’ve had.

Recently I learned a new way to visually stay motivated; it’s called a goal card. It is a laminated card that you keep in your pocket or wallet, which lists your long term goals. But not just any long term goals. Those big lofty long term goals, the dreams that everyone thinks you’re e crazy for thinking...I’m going to try that one next.

I’ll let you know how it works out.

Why a Mission Statement?

The first time I created a mission statement was when I was preparing to become a columnist for the Norwich Bulletin in Connecticut.

The senior editor talked with me before we launched and went over the agenda and the scope of the job. He also asked me to create a mission statement. It was then that I put on paper what I wanted to accomplish with my writing.

My mission statement  for my column was :To help people find the profound moments in life’s daily routines, while inspiring them to gain insight and an optimistic mindset about the future.I basically wanted to help divorced readers find positive insight.

Because, as many divorcees will attest to, divorce can wreak havoc on your life.  Whether it was a necessary divorce, or not, whether you prepared for it or not, it can destroy your present world and leave your future world uncertain.

It’s as if you are standing in the middle of a bustling city with hundreds of things going on around you, there’s people everywhere. You have a secure feeling.  Then suddenly, the city stops, it becomes completely silent, and then each and every building falls down around you, simultaneously, with a crash. You are left standing alone, and there is nothing left but several large clouds of dust.  

The clouds of dust are the after math of divorce. And as you begin to rebuild, and work through each dust cloud of obstacles, you begin to see the light, and then you suddenly enter another cloud. Divorce is a hard thing to get through, and isn’t over in a day.

My goal as a columnist with Life Goes On was to help divorced readers get through their clouds of dust, helping them to know they weren’t the only ones going through it. For them,  and other readers going through different difficulties, I tried to leave them with positive thoughts by sharing my silver lining moments and humorous takes on the little things.

When the column was over, I didn’t think that I had the need for a mission statement. But, in Chapter 9 of the book, Live Your Calling, by Kevin and Kay Marie Brennfleck, they explain why we should write a mission statement for our life.

I was surprised to read that, I had thought that mission statements were just for businesses. But Kevin and Kay explain that your mission statement is your why. And when you know your why, you have the desire to take action in your life, and will have the drive to stay focused and motivated. The book says that if you have your why, it will help you make goals and prioritize things in your life based on your inner desire. Your why will keep you focused on your goals and will keep your goals in sync with your life’s purpose.

I was immediately inspired. I had had a why for my column. I have a why for my blog. I suppose I needed to have a why for my life.

My Mission Statement hasn’t changed much from the start of Life Goes On, it’s very much the same. I guess that’s how you know your true why…if 4 years later, you can say it almost verbatim from when you first wrote it.

My mission: To share with people my personal perspective and and the ways that I endure life’s events,  in hopes that they find some insight, inspiration or humor from it. To help improve emotional wellbeing by uniting people through common experiences, encouraging them to reach out to one another with empathy by sharing their thoughts and their life’s experiences with genuine understanding.

We are all the same emotionally. We all experience the same feelings. We all hurt and heal. We all get stuck in life, and we all persevere. It is how we cope with all of these, that is different.

I want to make people happy, help them feel better. I want to help them persevere and rebuild. I know my why. 

Do you?